Happiness comes at a Price
by Mysra
Summary: From the beginning they had the feeling there could be more between them, but insecurity and duty kept them from acknowledging what could be. One day changed that and now they fight to keep together. Follow John and Teyla on their journey as a couple through the series. AU, but keeps with the canon mostly. TAG and Missing scenes for several Episodes. Romance/Whump added.
1. Preview This Moment

Warnings: Spoilers for several episodes, romance and whump

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights concerning SGA. I do not own any right concerning parts of the original spoken text taken directly from several episodes.  
.

Summary:

"I could never just say that to him," Teyla exclaimed horrified by her friends suggestion.

"Why not? You like him, don't you?"

"That is not the point!"

"Ah, I think that's exactly the point actually."

"The ways of my people are different. I would never …"

"Aha ah, he is never going to make the first move."

An AU glance of what could have been, if Teyla and John had taken a different road after the events of Sunday, because we all knew Teyla was talking about John, right?

.

Preview

.

This Moment

.

John knew he should be sorry or feel bad, but he just couldn't. Waking up with the love of your life pressed against you was just too amazing to think of the repercussions just then.

His mind took him back to the night spent in passion. Skin against skin, bodies damp with sweat and hot kisses. John couldn't help pulling Teyla closer to him. It was still dark, that meant the night was not over yet. John caught himself hoping that tomorrow would never come.

Because tomorrow this would never have happened, they had agreed on this.

Teyla shifted, her hand traveling over his bare chest to his face. From the look on her face he could tell that she felt similar to him.

Teyla's hand traveled to his head. "I love you," she whispered pulling him close once more. Soon all thoughts of tomorrow were wiped from his thought and only Teyla and her body against his mattered.

.

.

Hope you like it!

Give me a hint!


	2. Chapter 1 Feeling of a Moment

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights concerning SGA.  
I do not own any right concerning parts of the original spoken text taken directly from several episodes.

All mistakes are mine.

Thanks to my wonderful Beta Amy.

Summary: What John and Teyla might have thought about the other and the possibilities of being together, covers the first three seasons, up to The Return.

.

Chapter One

.

Feeling of a Moment

.

The Rising

.

Attraction

.

John could feel a surge of electricity travel through his body the moment his fingers touched the skin at her neck. Their eyes looked and he knew she felt it too.

Her eyes were so deep he had the feeling he could see her soul, a light in his dark world. He felt his heart respond and something touched his soul.

The moment he realized what was happening he closed the wall around him and stepped away. There was no future for them. It was foolish to think of her that way. So he returned his concentration back to his task of figuring out what was going on.

…

Teyla couldn't believe it. He had come. He had walked into the wraith's den to rescue not only his people, but hers too.

Her mind snapped back to the moment in the cave when their gazes had met. There had been an openness that had taken her breath away. Sadly, the moment had been over so fast she almost thought she had imagined it, but here he was, to save her.

She wondered if maybe the future held more for them.

.

XOXOXOXOXO

.

Sanctuary

.

Longing

.

Teyla could not help but feel hurt by the open way John flirted with Chaya. She knew he was not interested in her. When they had returned he had been friendly, but not overly though, like he wanted to be friends, but only in a strictly platonic way. Teyla sighed. She was being foolish. John was from another galaxy and there was no guaranty he would stay forever. He surely was not looking for a longtime relationship.

…

John wondered what had attracted him to Chaya, apart from the obvious reasons that she was hot. Maybe it was because she was no danger, she was no keeper. His mind forced him to the one he wanted to keep, Teyla. A part of him felt as if he had betrayed her.

.

XOXOXOXOXO

.

The Gift

.

Realization

.

John wanted to rip Bates' head off. It wasn't that Bates had said what he had; it was the fact that John wished, at least partly, that the man was right. More than once a week John dreamed of what Bates had claimed to be true.

But John also knew that Teyla didn't see him in that way. She saw him as her teammate, no more. Okay maybe as friend, but it stopped right there.

The incident with Bates also had hit another truth home. As much as John didn't care for military protocol, he needed to keep a few ground rules. And one was the rules about relationships.

Teyla served under his command and he needed to set the right example.

…

Bates was an idiot. Not even meditating worked. Her blood boiled. Or maybe it was John's reaction, his categorical dismissal of any chance of a relationship between the two. Why could she not just accept that he was not interested in her? Teyla took another deep breath, trying to clear her mind, but every time she did John's angry face popped into her mind.

He would never court her.

.

XOXOXOXOXO

.

The Siege

.

Incompatible

.

All was calm and for the first time in many days she felt a sense of relief. They were safe once more. She had learned a lot about John, and for the first time in months had seen a side of him she didn't like. His easy dismissal of her friends and his willingness to sanction action she deemed dishonorable. Could she really love him?

…

John looked over the ocean, glad they had managed to fight back. Many things had happened and for the first time he had time to think about it. He was a soldier and now Teyla had seen what he was capable of. He had seen the disappointment in her eyes and face. It had taken her long enough to see that he would not be good for her.

.

XOXOXOXOXO

.

Conversion

.

Acceptance

.

John was glad Teyla had accepted his apology, still he also felt oddly disappointed. This could have been the turning point; if he had seen any doubt in her, he would have asked her out. But she had brushed his apology away so fast he knew she didn't wanted to be reminded of what had happened. The incident had brought his feelings for her to the surface and now he couldn't shove them back. He would have to accept that she wasn't interested in him.

…

Why in the world had it to be now? She had finally managed to bury her ever present feelings for John and then out of the blue he had kissed her. For a few wonderful moments she believed he wanted more than friendship, but when he had pulled back he had been confused. Still, it had awoken her feelings for him once more, and now she had to accept that it had mean nothing to him.

.

XOXOXOXOXO

.

The long Goodbye

.

Hope

.

Teyla tried to sleep, but was unable to do so. Thalen's words robbing her of every rational thought. Did John feel more than just friendship for her? That couldn't be. But this time he hadn't tried to deny what had happened. He had blushed when she had apologized, but not denied the truth of Thalen's words.

…

John couldn't forget Teyla's face. The moment Phoebus had asked her to kill him. Her face had rippled in pain and he had been able to see into her soul once more like the day they had met. They had connected again. That had been the reason he had not denied what Thalen had said. Maybe there was hope.

.

XOXOXOXOXO

.

The Return

.

Reasoning

.

The moment John stepped through the gate he felt an empty hollow settling in his soul. This had been the reason he had never sought a relationship with Teyla. He always knew that he would have lost her. Either through his own disability to have a working relationship or to him being recalled. What he hadn't counted on was that he still missed her like crazy and felt like he had lost a part of himself.

All the reasons he had recounted over and over in his mind to convince his heart that he could not have a relationship with Teyla crumpled in the following weeks.

…

He was back and all reasons to be glad to not have pursued a relationship with John went out the window. The moment Teyla heard his voice and knew she wasn't dreaming, her heart started to beat and for the first time in weeks she felt alive again. She wanted to throw herself at him, but reasoned that it wasn't the right time. Not with the others present.

Before she knew what was happening, she was back in action, saving their home. That accomplished things went back to their normal pace and their moment had passed and reason ruled her life again.

.

.

Let's see where to now...


	3. Chapter 2 Time's up

Amy thanks! You make it readable.

.

Chapter Two

.

TAG to Sunday

.

Time's up

.

Teyla lay in her bed her head buried in her pillow. Though she was supposed to return to the infirmary she just couldn't. She needed time. Time in private.

She felt unbearably lonely; all her friends had gone to Earth and would not return for a while. Lying in her room and silently crying into her pillow she remembered what her friend had said to her about Earth customs and relationships and her answer. That it was customary for the men to take the first step.

Now her friend was dead as well as Carson.

She turned on her back looking at the ceiling. Her side throbbed from her movement.

Her thoughts came to John and the time spent together. She loved him and it was getting harder and harder to deny that feeling. Could she really risk their friendship?

For all she knew, he might think of her like he did of most of his adventures, a sexy alien throwing herself at him. Because no matter how often Rodney claimed John was a _Kirk _he usually wasn't the one to initiate the flirting.

She started to go through the years and her interactions with John. Her thoughts came to a particularly awkward conversation they once shared.

"I'm not good …actually I'm… terrible at expressing… my …"

"feelings?"

Teyla's thoughts came to an abrupt halt.

Whenever real feelings were involved John hid behind a mask. He just could not bring himself to admit them. Could it be that he felt more for her?

She had gotten to know John pretty well these past years and they had spent a lot of time together.

John was a man of many layers. He was dedicated, caring and confident; when necessary he was cold and ruthless or downright frightening. But most of all he was self-sacrificing and sometimes insecure. He never believed in himself.

That realization brought on a new wave of pain and her eyes stung with fresh tears.

John could not take the first step, he never would. He would never see the great person he was. She had to swallow her pride and do the right thing or they never would have a chance.

Teyla turned on her side, sending another stab through her guts.

She wished John were here.

She turned her head back in her pillow, crying herself into exhaustion. Without realizing it she fell asleep.

XOXOXOXOXO

"Unscheduled off world activation," Chuck announced.

Elisabeth got up groaning; that was exactly what she didn't need right now, another problem. She slowly made her way over the short walkway.

Chuck looked up confused "it's Midway station."

Elisabeth returned the confused look.

"Lower the shield," she commanded as hurried past the control center.

She was halfway down the stairs when the pool rippled and a single person stepped out.

"John? What happened?"

"Uh, nothing I just …" he smirked, not really in the mood to explain to her why he was back already.

Elisabeth lifted her hand to stop whatever he wanted to stammer.

"It's alright, as long as everything is fine."

"Yes, everything is fine," John said, while his face said something else entirely. "If you don't mind I want to see if Teyla is alright?"

"I don't," Elisabeth answered barely able to hide her smile. For a long time she had been wondering if the two would ever manage to finally realize what everyone else had realized for as long as the two had known each other.

John gave a curt nod and quickly left the control room. His first stop was to his quarters to get out of his dress blues.

He knew he had acted impulsively, when he had asked Landry to be allowed to return to Atlantis immediately. He had even managed to forgo the twenty four hour quarantine on Midway.

He had thrown a flimsy excuse at Ronon and Rodney who had both looked understanding and then had turned around and been back on Atlantis within fifteen minutes after leaving.

Now he stood in his quarters feeling stupid. As soon as he had stepped into the event horizon he had felt lost and hollow. Like the last time when he had left Teyla behind. That moment he had realized just how much he loved Teyla. Now he had a problem.

Teyla was on his team and even if she was not in the military she was under his command. _Voluntarily_ a voice in the back of his head supplied. He wondered if there was some form of precedent case. Could he really do it? Could he tell her how he really felt?

He took a deep breath, what if she didn't feel the same? What if she felt the same? Could he risk their friendship? So many questions unanswered. As always the doubts started to nag at his conscience. He was a failure when it came to relationships. His ex-wife had told him without a doubt what she thought about his ability to have a working relationship.

He sighed and shook his head. He couldn't concentrate on this right now. He needed to know if Teyla was alright. So he left his musings in his quarters.

XOXOXOXOXO

"I was just about to call you, Colonel," Dr Cole welcomed him as soon as he had stepped into the infirmary. He looked up to see a deep scowl on her face. Before he could ask what was going on, she jumped into chiding mode.

"I allowed Teyla to leave the infirmary, because you promised that she would return as soon as the ceremony was over. That was thirty minutes ago!" she looked behind John. "Where is she?"

"What?" John asked blinking in confusion. He had no clue what Cole was talking about. "I'm here to see if Teyla got back alright. I just returned from Earth!"

"Teyla is not with you?"

John shook his head. "She didn't come back?" he asked, worry clear in his voice.

Now it was Cole's turn to look worried. She lifted her hand to make the call.

"Don't," John interrupted. "I think I know where she is. I'll bring her back, just give me some time."

"If you have the feeling she is not well, I want you to bring her back immediately."

"Understood," John said turning around; there was just one place Teyla could be.

XOXOXOXOXO

"Teyla?" John called, once more knocking against the door. He had tried the chimes several times already.

He looked around and when he was sure he wasn't being watched, he turned to the sensor and quickly fumbled with the crystals. After the third try the door slipped open. He quickly returned everything to its place and took a step in Teyla's quarters.

Suddenly he felt anything but confident.

Teyla's still form lay on the bed, her back to the door. He carefully moved over to the bed, not wanting to disturb her. When he came closer he heard soft sobs. He managed the last few steps to the bed in a matter of seconds. This was so not his world.

"Teyla?" he asked softly, not getting a reaction. He moved around the bed and found Teyla's eyes closed. She was asleep, though he saw tears streaming down her face.

He moved close and sat down next to her. She was shaking slightly and John started to worry. Maybe it would be better to call a med team. But as soon as the thought crossed his mind he also knew that Teyla would be devastated if everyone saw her like this. She was a proud and strong warrior, something that John admired on her.

"Teyla?" he asked once more.

He hesitantly put his hand on Teyla's shoulder, realizing he needed the contact as much as she probably did. It took a moment, but finally her eyes blinked open.

"John?" she asked her voice breaking.

"You okay?"

"Please don't leave me," she said, starting to sob harder.

John was stunned. What was he supposed to do? He decided for once to let his heart rule and not his mind. He settled down next to Teyla and carefully pulled her into his embrace.

"It's okay, I'm here now," he said soothingly, his hand rubbing her back.

Teyla relaxed, burying her face in John's neck. "Please never go away again," she pleaded in a small voice. He wasn't sure, but he thought he felt her lips ghost over his neck.

"Teyla," he started trying to ease back. He didn't want to use her like that.

Teyla's watery eyes locked with his.

"You don't really want this," he reasoned.

Teyla shook her head slightly. "I want," she insisted.

"Teyla," John sighed his heart screaming at him to accept her offer. He swallowed hard.

Teyla's face fell.

"You do not feel the same." She stated; her voice full of hurt.

"What?"

Teyla shook her head. "I am sorry I was mistaken," Teyla said, suddenly composed.

"Teyla?" John's voice held a warning, but Teyla chose to ignore it and tried to ease herself from his grasp. He did not feel the same. She had made a fool out of herself. He had offered her consolation and she had misunderstood.

To her surprise he didn't let go, but tightened his hold.

Nevertheless she kept her gaze fixed on his chest, not willing to see the understanding in his face.

"Teyla?" he asked once more. "What do you mean I don't feel the same?"

John could barely ask the question without his heart going into overdrive. Did she have feelings for him? Her face was still blocked from his view. He knew there was no turning back, no out. They either made it as a couple or their friendship would take a serious blow. One John wasn't sure it would survive.

Teyla froze. John sounded at the same time hopeful and unsure. Was she wrong - did John feel the same? She decided to look up and gasped, instead of the unreadable mask she had expected to see, his face was open, a mix of hope and fear in his eyes.

There was a softness around his eyes she had never seen before. This gave her the courage to say the next words.

"I love you."

She felt it as John froze and his breathing stopped. If it wasn't for her hand pressed on his chest feeling his heart beat she would think he had died. There was a long moment of silence and Teyla was starting to doubt it had been the right decision.

John had never thought he would hear Teyla say those words so openly. He knew it was a rash decision. They hadn't even been on a date yet, but he also knew he felt the same. He had passed the stage of just falling in love months ago. He knew Teyla better than he had known Nancy when they had married.

"I love you, too," the words rushed out of his mouth and the look on his face changed from stunned disbelieve to smug realization.

"I love you, too," he said again, a smile breaking out on his face. He had done it!

Teyla's face glowed. Their eyes meet and all caution was gone. There would be no more hiding.

.

.

Give me your thoughts! Pleasssse!


	4. Chapter 3 Ground Rules

**Disclaimer**: I do not own any rights concerning SGA. I do not own any right concerning parts of the original spoken text taken directly from several episodes.

.

Hey guys, here is the next part! Hope you like it. Be kind and leave me your thoughts. Really would like to know what you think.

.

Chapter Three

.

Ground Rules

.

Slowly, John moved closer to Teyla, and she to him. After a painstakingly long moment their lips finally met in a probing first kiss.

No, not the first kiss, their second kiss; only this one so much gentler than the first and not as unexpected, yet so much more arousing.

Their lips parted a fraction and both took a breath inhaling the sense of the other, before resuming their new dance. Soon their kiss deepened and Teyla let herself be guided to lie on her back by John who seemed very aware of her injuries and obviously wanted her to be more comfortable.

Much too soon he pulled away.

"Dr. Cole ordered me to get you back to the infirmary immediately," he informed her a little breathlessly.

Teyla tightened her hold on John's shoulders.

"Please," she said her voice pleading. "Please just hold me for a while. I promise to say if I hurt."

John looked uncertain for a moment.

"Please?"

John nodded slowly. "Okay."

Teyla smiled and pulled him close to her again knowing that if he didn't want to, he would free himself.

There were still many unattended topics and matters that needed to be discussed, but for now they continued to explore their newfound love.

After about an hour of kissing and snuggling Teyla wasn't able to hide her discomfort any longer so the two reluctantly parted.

"We will have to talk about this," John said and Teyla nodded her agreement.

"I believe it best to keep quiet until we figure out how to move on."

"I can't go back to how thing were," John blurted, panicked.

"I do not want that either."

To seal their intentions they kissed once more.

John got up and then helped Teyla up too. Glad he had an excuse to be this close to her as they slowly made their way to the infirmary.

…

After Teyla was settled in her bed Dr. Cole gave her and John a stern, but caring speech about disregarding one's health. John wondered if the speech was designed more for him than Teyla as Teyla was usually more level headed than him. When Cole was done he quickly took the blame on himself.

"It's my fault. Teyla was asleep and I thought it best to let her rest," he said sheepishly.

"That's what's your com is for, Colonel," Cole snapped back. "To call us and let us decide."

"Sorry," John mumbled, lowering his head.

Cole huffed and left.

John turned to Teyla and they shared a meaningful glance.

"Sleep," John told her and settled in the chair next to her bed. Teyla gave him a small smile and closed her eyes.

John longed to hold her hand, but knew he couldn't, people would immediately know something was up. Keeping his distant and hiding his feelings just had become a major problem. How was he supposed to not react to Teyla when he now knew how it felt to hold her?

He sighed and settled deeper in his chair. He would not leave her side.

XOXOXOXOXO

Teyla woke hearing hushed voices. She blinked and quickly turned to see if John had returned despite the fact that she had threatened to kick his butt in their next sparing session.

But the chair was empty. She briefly wondered if she had dreamed the voices, when she heard them again.

"But she loves him," the one voice exclaimed.

"Yes she does, but they could be court-martialed," the second voice hushed.

"For being in love with each other, you're serious?"

"There are very strict rules for relationships between ranks. And she is a higher rank. Why do you think Sheppard's always getting involved with women that are not here on Atlantis? He could get in serious trouble dating anyone in the military or under his command."

"Just out of curiosity, what about Teyla?" the other voice asked almost amused.

"Technically it would be okay, but she is on his team and therefor under his command. I think that's the reason he never made a move on her. Seriously, she's hot."

"Maybe he is…, you know."

"Don't be ridiculous. You should have seen him going for the Ancient chick we met the first year."

"But Teyla is on his team voluntarily."

"I'm not sure that's going to fly in a court-martial, even if she is on his team voluntary or not, the rules apply for her too."

"Come on, what's the worst that could happen?"

There was a moment of silence and Teyla held her breath.

"Depending on the opinion of the judges about the seriousness of the offence, he could be sentenced to jail time."

The conversation continued, but Teyla had stopped listening. What had she done? She could not lose John, but she also did not want to stop being on his team. The whole relationship thing had just gotten a very sour taste to it.

Teyla sighed closing her eyes. They would find a way, she knew they would. Nevertheless she could not help a tear sliding down her cheek. She could not lose John, not now, not ever.

By now she had learned enough about Earth to know what a court-marital was and that John had already faced one before. Though she had been aware of the many rules, she had never thought they would also apply to the personal life of those she had severed with so long.

But now that she thought about it, she realized how often military members choose to have relations with non-military personal.

Could she allow John to risk everything, just for what might be a short time anyway?

XOXOXOXOXO

John slowly made his way to the infirmary a cup of coffee clutched in his hand. He had had a rough night. He wanted to be with Teyla now that everything was out in the open, but he also wanted to keep his team as it was.

So last night he had gone to Elisabeth. He had needed to tell her, as awkward as he had felt. She hadn't been as surprised as he had expected. But she had also warned him that if she got the feeling that their relationship would influence their work or put them at risk she would intervene.

She had also told him in no uncertain terms that she expected him to treat the relationship with care. No public showing of affection, no moving in together, at least not now, maybe later.

All in all she had ordered them to have a relationship behind closed doors. John never had been one for showing what he felt and thought openly anyway, he just hoped Teyla could live with the conditions.

When John arrived at Teyla's bed she already sat on the edge waiting for him. She looked much better today.

Though she smiled at him, John could tell that something was bothering her.

"Hey, Cole already released you?"

"Yes."

"Good."

They stood together in silence for just a moment when Dr. Cole returned.

"Good morning, Colonel. Can I assume you are here to take Teyla home?"

John grinned and nodded.

"Okay Teyla, I want you to stay off your feet as much as you can. No heavy lifting."

Teyla nodded.

"It's on you to get her home safely, Colonel."

"Thanks, doc," John said offering Teyla to take him as leverage.

"I will be able to manage on my own. Thank you, John," she said her look telling him that she appreciated the gesture and understood the true meaning.

There was no talking on the way to Teyla's quarters and for the first time ever the silence bothered John. Had Teyla changed her mind?

Teyla was surprised how relaxed John seemed. His face had been open and his smile genuine when he had picked her up.

As soon as the door closed behind them she chose to break the silence.

"I missed you," she said bluntly turning to him.

Her answer was a relived chuckle. He bent over and placed a kiss on her cheek.

"You were the one threatening me to leave!"

"I did."

"Care to tell me what was bothering you," he asked leading her to her bed.

"Can you really be sent to jail for loving me?"

John froze looking at her.

"What?"

"Last night, I overheard a conversation in the infirmary," she explained.

John sighed and shook his head.

"Okay, we'll talk as soon as you are in bed."

"Agreed"

When Teyla was comfortable in her bed John sat down next to her hip facing her, his face serious.

"The truth is I don't know," he started to explain. Teyla's face fell.

"We cannot …," she started miserable.

"Teyla, stop right there," he interrupted her. "I love you. I want to be with you." John couldn't help smiling. He took a deep breath. "And telling you this straight forward is by god not as easy as it seems." He looked deep in her eyes. "You know me good enough to know that I'm totally screwed. I'm barely able to voice my thoughts and feelings and at time I'm just a monumental jerk."

Teyla could not help but chuckle. His words sounded like a fair warning. "I do know you and I am aware of your flaws. I am also not perfect and I am sure at times we will have disagreements, but I am also sure we will survive."

John looked slightly dubious, but nodded, "just wanted to let you know."

"I know you."

"Okay so we really want this?" he asked just to be sure.

"I do not want you to get into trouble or lose you because of this."

"I won't as long as we are careful. Can you live with that?"

"Yes."

"Good because I already talked to Elisabeth about us."

"You did?" Teyla asked surprised.

John nodded gravely. "Trust me; it's not a conversation I want to repeat any time soon, but to be honest I was a little worried about getting into trouble."

"Elisabeth agreed?"

"Elisabeth did, however she also stipulated that we follow a few rules." Teyla nodded anxious to hear what Elisabeth had said.

While John explained what Elisabeth had said, he shifted so he sat next to Teyla and the two could cuddle. John was surprised about himself as he had never been the cuddling type. He found however that holding Teyla felt especially nice and enjoyable.

"So Elisabeth said we have to keep our relationship hidden?" Teyla asked amused. "She does know you right? Did she really expect you to suddenly change your personality and hug or kiss me for everyone to see?"

John grinned. "Not sure what she was thinking."

What he thought was that it would be hard to have a real love life if it was supposed to just be in their quarters. He was sure he wasn't supposed to be seen coming out of Teyla's quarters in the middle of the night or early morning either.

Suddenly the sound of a door opening could be heard. John's head snapped to the door, but it was closed.

"You heard that too, right?"

Teyla nodded looking around.

"John, look!"

John turned to see what Teyla had spotted.

"That door is new right?"

Teyla just nodded. John slowly got up and inched towards the door his hand on his gun. He took a stable stance and looked around the corner and froze.

There was a short hallway about thirty feet or so long, but what was really surprising was the sight greeting him on the other side.

"That's my room!" John exclaimed turning to Teyla who was getting up, she stopped midway looking at him confused.

"Your room?"

John nodded dumbly, getting back to the bed helping her up. Together they walked down the short hallway and stepped into John's quarters.

"Never knew our quarters were this close together," John stated looking back to Teyla's room.

"I never thought about it, but our corridors are parallel to each other."

John nodded again a grin spreading over his face.

"The good thing is we can live together and still have separate rooms."

"You want to live together?"

John blushed when he realized what he had said, but after a moment he nodded, "I guess."

Teyla chuckled.

"How about we take one step at a time and for now just enjoy that we are together? I would like to watch a movie."

"Sounds good to me. Let's go over to your place."

John and Teyla spent the rest of the day in bed, not really watching, but talking. It had been many years John had felt this close and confident with another person and Teyla made it easy for him to just talk.

They talked about plans and things they deem necessary. To John's surprise Teyla never inquired what he thought or felt about this and that, though he couldn't help tell her anyway.

When night closed in and things started to heat up between the two, both felt so comfortable around the other that they just let their emotions lead the way. Soon their passion filled moans and grunts filled the room.

By the time Ronon and Rodney returned, things between John and Teyla had settled in their new routine, friends and teammates on the outside, lovers and partners in the sanctuary of their now connected quarters.

.

.

.

Thoughts please, please, please!


	5. Chapter 4 Along the Way

Okay guys here we go with the next bit. Hope you like it. I tried to keep as much to the canon so that you could really picture it. Therefore once more I do not own anything concerning SGA, part of the spoken text is taken from the concerning episode and not! from me.

Spoilers for several episodes, if you want to watch the episodes here are Submersion S3E18, Lifeline S4E02 and Doppelganger S4E04.

I'm not a doc so bear with me please. Thanks to wolfgirlalways for pointing out the BP thing. I'm keeping that in mind.

Amy once again you're the best. Thanks for helping me out and check my spelling and word use.

.

Chapter Four

.

Along the way

.

TAG Submersion

.

"John it is time to wake, the jumper has arrived," Teyla said quietly once more shaking his shoulder.

"Urgh,"John groaned, finally starting to stir.

"What is wrong?"

John tried to calm his panting breaths; he could barely hear Teyla over the blood rushing through his ears.

"M' fine," he mumbled hoping to appease her. It wouldn't do them any good if Teyla got too worked up about this.

"I do not believe you."

John started to frown. Why was it so hard to open his eyes? God, he felt like crap. He hurt all over and felt warm, besides the fact he was shivering. Why the hell did his lungs feel as sore as if he had been coughing for a week? As if on command his lungs started to spasm.

Teyla startled when John started to cough violently. She quickly pulled him up leaning him against her. Her heart almost stopped in fear as he gasped for air. She started to soothingly rub his back, trying to ease the pain he no doubt was in.

When his head rested against her neck she could feel heat emanating from him, did he have a fever? She desperately tried to remember if he had shown signs of sickness before they had gone to sleep last night.

She was sure he had been fine then.

She heard Ronon call for a doc. For a moment Teyla relaxed. Carson would help John, and then she remembered that it was not Carson that would come. She felt another shiver run through John's body, but at least the coughing had eased.

John's breath came in short, rasping gasps. He definitely showed signs of a cold. She had seen him sick like this not too long ago, but he had been healthy before.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Dr. Keller's voice suddenly asked from beside Teyla.

She looked at the young doc. "I do not know. We went to sleep to pass the time until you would come. John was fine before," Teyla looked helplessly at the doc. John had gone completely still in her arms.

Teyla carefully eased John back and quickly made room for Dr. Keller. She felt completely helpless and for the first time she started to understand the confinements of their secret relationship. She needed to be calm and not overreact.

Teyla jumped slightly when Ronon's hand settled on her shoulder. They both took position just inside the door.

"Was he sick before?" Dr. Keller suddenly asked.

"No," Teyla answered and Ronon nodded.

"He has all the symptoms of a cold," Keller mumbled. Suddenly one of the nurses looked up.

"Could he have inhaled seawater?"

Keller looked at the nurse, remembering the man used to be a diver.

"What are you getting at?"

"Saltwater Aspiration Syndrome, it has the same symptoms as a cold."

Keller's head snapped around to Ronon and Teyla.

"He might have, when the jumper windshield broke," Ronon said not further elaborating. "Sheppard's going to be okay?"

"Depends on how bad it is. I need an O2 tank from the jumper."

"On it," Ronon said pulling Teyla with him.

…

"Where are the others? I sent Dr. Keller to take a look at you, Teyla," Dr. Weir said searching the room behind the two.

"Sheppard's sick," Ronon said shortly as he walked into the jumper. "Doc says she needs O2 to help him," he added and someone in the jumper started to rummage in the compartment. After a moment the tank was handed to Ronon and he quickly disappeared again.

"What happened?" Drs. McKay and Weir asked simultaneously keeping Teyla from too heading back.

Once more Teyla explained what had happened after Ronon had left Teyla to wake John and what the nurse and Dr. Keller had said. The next fifteen minutes felt like forever to Teyla as Ronon had returned once more to get the gurney.

Teyla felt awful, her head hurt and she was sick with worry for John. It couldn't have been more than ten minutes since she had left John, but to her it felt like a life-time.

She sighed in relief when she heard the team return. From their voices and speed she could tell things had calmed down and John was not in immediate danger.

The team got on board and John was even conscious, searching Teyla's eyes. After everyone was settled Keller started to explain what had happened.

"The Colonel is suffering from Saltwater Aspiration Syndrome, it can occur when salt water is inhaled. The symptoms can range from flu like symptoms to respiratory distress."

Keller quickly looked at John who looked groggy and not really interested.

"Though it seemed bad for a moment, Colonel Sheppard has only a mild case and should improve quickly. I am going to keep him in the infirmary for observation. He also has some bruises and I think he might have hit his head."

John shook his head negative at that. Keller shrugged and turned to Teyla. "I have not forgotten about you. You will come to the infirmary with us. I want to take a scan."

Teyla smiled just a little, feeling John's gaze zero in on her. Secretly she was glad Keller had given her an excuse to go to the infirmary with John.

XOXOXOXOXO

Teyla sat next to John's bed. He had fallen asleep while she had been under the scanner. She longed to touch him, from the way he looked she could tell that he still had a fever and she wondered if he had gotten worse again.

"Ah, here you are," Dr Keller's soft voice said. She quickly moved over to John and checked the monitors attached to his still form. He only stirred slightly, before settling back to sleep.

Teyla's gaze moved back to Keller who had an approving smile on her lips. She too turned to Teyla and mentioned her to follow.

"Colonel Sheppard is already getting better; he should be fine in a day or two. I might even be tempted to let him sleep in his own quarters tonight."

Teyla could not help but smile. "John is not that bad," she stated.

"I have heard otherwise," Dr Keller said, but Teyla could see the amusement in her eyes. "Now to you, I want you to go to the mess and eat and after that I want you to go straight home and rest for the rest of the day. You can go to dinner or ask your teammates to bring you something."

Teyla nodded, chagrinned; she had hoped to be allowed to stay with John some more.

"Thank you Jennifer."

"You're welcome, Teyla, if you have any headaches come back."

"I will, goodbye."

…

Teyla woke, slightly confused as she felt someone shift next to her. Rolling slightly, she discovered John curled up next to her. She was surprised as she had visited John's quarters before going to bed for the night, but he had not been there. She had quickly considered going to the infirmary or making a call, but then she had rethought it. Last month she just would have done it, but know there were more considerations to make.

Last time she had been on the mainland she had gotten a bigger bed for her and John who was now sleeping next to her. Her hand travelled to his head and she could tell he still had a fever.

At her touch he startled awake.

"Sorry," he mumbled in the darkness, "didn't mean to wake you."

His voice sounded hoarse and strained.

"You did not," she answered cupping his cheek. She could feel him smile.

"I am glad Dr. Keller released you."

"Yeah, me too, would have sucked to sleep without you."

John's voice was barely audible and Teyla could tell he was already half asleep again. Nevertheless she felt him pull her to him and she gladly snuggled into his embrace.

XOXOXOXOXO

Missing scene and TAG to Lifeline

Teyla was both angered and honored. Honored that John thought she would be the right person to lead his people and angered that he had made sure she was safe while he might not come back.

Teyla was still surprised how easily she and John had managed to fit into their shared life. They had only few disagreements and several had even been staged so they could have what John called make up sex.

John had not only surprised Teyla, but himself too, with how easily he had settled in their relationship. He loved Teyla and had no problem telling her so. He obviously had also discovered his love for cuddling and hugging and body contact when it came to Teyla.

They had had many conversations and Teyla had learned a lot about John and vice versa.

The problem however was that with the merging of the private life, keeping their relationship hidden had become difficult. They had needed to stop sparring when more than one sparring session had ended in one of the nearby closets.

In public they had become distant, both barely able to hide their feelings. She hoped things would return to normal with time.

Teyla sighed and concentrated back on her current tasked, praying that John was safe.

XOXOXOXOXO

John stood at his window looking at the two moons above. He would find Elisabeth like he had told Colonel Carter. He had to, if he didn't he would be in trouble. Teyla and he were good at hiding what was really going on between them. Not even Ronon knew. But every now and then they also stumbled into situations where it was almost impossible to not acknowledge what was between them.

Usually Elisabeth had been the one to cover up their slips. So what now? The door opened behind him, there was just one person who would walk into his quarters unannounced. A few moments later Teyla's arms closed around his waist and her head came to rest on his back.

"I brought Elisabeth's things," she said her voice breaking. It was a well-built façade. John felt Teyla trembling with tears and turned around, pulling her to his chest, his nose resting in her hair.

"We will find a way," he said quietly. "To still be together, I love you and nothing will change that!"

Teyla looked up at him, her eyes full of pain and fear. Pain for her lost friend and fear that she might lose her love too. In John's eyes the same emotions were visible.

Over the past months they had learned to communicate nonverbally. They could read the other and tell what thoughts were currently in their minds.

Right now they feared that they might not be able to be together anymore and that John would finally meet his prosecutor for pursuing a relationship breaking the moral code of the Earth military.

For now both knew they had to be even more careful. No more sleep overs and only a few hours of blessed sanctuary in the other's company.

Their eyes met once more, they still had a few nights, maybe even weeks till the moment it was clear who would come to replace their friend and confidant. For now they would mourn their lost friend.

Their mouths met, both seeking consolation in their love. John picked Teyla up and carried her to her room in their bed and for the rest of the night only the two existed - their world once more reduced to their quarters.

XOXOXOXOXO

Missing scenes Doppelganger

"Teyla, we have to stop," John said not really willing to break their embrace. Behind Teyla his door had closed long ago, betraying his own feelings, telling her that he too wanted to have her close.

Now his actions too told her one thing, while his words told another. She leaned back a little, but John didn't loosen his hold on her. Their eyes met and she could see deep pain as well as the longing she too felt.

"One more night," she decided for them.

After Colonel Carter took over they had decided to go back to just being friends, but things never were that simple and they both suffered under their separation.

"One more night," John stated and Teyla saw the doubt in his eyes. So she nodded confidently.

For a moment she wondered if she had taken the pills to avoid pregnancy she had gotten from Dr. Keller lately, but then John's lips met hers and all coherent thoughts were washed away.

John was sure it would never stop; one more night just didn't cover it. Teyla was so much more to him and one more night was just the admittance that he couldn't live without her. Ever since they had decided to part ways he felt hollow and drawn. He couldn't sleep and had lost his appetite. Pretending everything was fine was a task he barely managed to accomplish these days.

He pressed his lips against Teyla's and once more his world shifted. She was his world and only with her in it, he felt whole. While making their way to her quarters he briefly wondered about birth control, but then Teyla shifted her hands to his pants to free him and all thoughts were thrown out the window just leaving his awareness of where Teyla's hands and lips were.

…

John knew he should be sorry or feel bad, but he just couldn't. Waking up with the love of your life pressed against you was just too amazing to think of the repercussions just then.

His mind took him back to the night spent in passion. Skin against skin, bodies damp with sweat and hot kisses. John couldn't help pulling Teyla closer to him. It was still dark, that meant the night was not over yet. John caught himself hoping that tomorrow would never come.

Because tomorrow this would never have happened, they had agreed on this.

Teyla shifted, her hand travelling over his bare chest to his face. From the look on her face he could tell that she felt similar to him.

Teyla's hand travelled to his head. "I love you," she whispered pulling him close once more. Soon all thoughts of tomorrow were wiped from his thought and only Teyla and her body against his mattered.

XOXOXOXOXO

John's eyes blinked open and he looked at Rodney for a long moment, before looking at the gallery. He felt so tired. He laid his head down again closing his eyes. He registered that Keller was next to him.

The relief was palpable on the gallery. Teyla took a deep breath, her gaze focused on John. Her heart had stopped when Keller had announced that the entity was in his body. When he had convulsed from being shocked she had been barely able to hide her panic. Now she just wanted to hold him.

John's head settled back on the pillow and he closed his eyes. Moments later, Keller walked over, freeing him from the leads on his body.

Teyla didn't care what the others thought or if they wondered about her behavior. She quickly left the gallery to get to John's side. She entered the room just in time for Keller to order John and Rodney to go to their quarters and rest.

"Ronon will go with Dr. McKay and I will go with Colonel Sheppard," Teyla offered.

"That's a good idea; if you have the feeling something is off call me."

Teyla inclined her head as she knew Ronon did behind her.

The four left smiling.

Colonel Carter watched from the gallery smiling too.

…

"You okay Sheppard?" Ronon asked when he saw Sheppard rub his chest yet again.

John grunted, rubbing again.

"Just getting sore," he said.

"Want me to get you some ointment?"

"Nah, still have some."

"You need help?"

"I think I'm old enough to put some on my chest, Chewy," John said, rolling his eyes.

"Or Teyla can help!" Rodney quipped.

"You want Teyla to put you to bed, Rodney?" John shot back, smirking. Not sure taking Teyla was such a good idea. _One night - _the promise was already crumbling and John knew it.

Rodney blushed, knowing he would probably need help undressing, he was getting pretty sore himself and he felt so tired he barely was able to lift his arms. "Nothing against you Teyla, but I think I'll go with Ronon."

"I am not offended, Rodney."

The group parted finally and Teyla and John walked slowly towards his quarters in silence, both hanging back with their own train of thoughts.

They entered John's quarters and turned to each other the same moment. Teyla threw her arms around John and he pulled her close.

"I thought I would lose you!"

"Sorry about that," he said hugging Teyla closer to him. He noted her shaking her head.

"You should lie down and sleep," Teyla said after a moment, noting the slight tremors running through John's body.

John nodded. "You're going to stay?"

"I will not leave you."

John settled down and after a moment motioned for Teyla to join him on the bed, needing to have her close. Together they snuggled on the small bed.

…

John startled awake with a gasp. He buried his nose in Teyla's neck, inhaling deeply.

John sighed. "I can't go back to how things were."

"Do you wish me to leave?" Teyla asked. John could hear the hurt in her voice.

"No," he answered realizing she had misunderstood. "I don't want to be separated anymore. I want to sleep with you next to me."

Teyla turned to John, looking at him, he was pale and sweating. He hadn't slept long and from the way he had woken and looked, she guessed he had had a nightmare.

"This is dangerous," she pointed out.

"You're not military and not from Earth anyway."

It was his code for saying I don't care. I want you.

"John," Teyla tried to reason, but John stopped her, pressing his mouth to hers.

"I love you," he said after pulling back. "I want to be with you."

"I love you, too."

"We won't discuss this again. We've been together long enough to not make the mistakes we made before," John's voice was firm and didn't leave any doubts.

Their lips met again and their renewed pact for a secret relationship was sealed once more.

.

.

.

Common guys what do you think?


	6. Chapter 5 Happiness comes at a Price

This Chapter is namesake to the story I hope you enjoy it. Thanks to the reviews.

Once again thank you Amy for being my beta.

.

Chapter Five

.

TAG to Be All My Sins Remember'd Part One

.

Happiness comes at a Price

.

John couldn't believe it. He was going to be a father. So many emotions filled his chest it hurt.

After Teyla had dropped the bomb on him he had just snapped. What did she expect him to do? Follow his first instinct and hug and kiss her till they both were dizzy. For Pete's sake, Ronon had been with them.

And after the first burst of happiness, realization had set in. She had knowingly kept her condition from him, lying to him. She could have lost the baby without him even knowing. Ever since her people had vanished she had shut him out. He had understood and had given her space.

John rested his head against the tower, looking at the cloud covered sky. John had been able to keep the act going 'til he had left Rodney in the mess on his way back home. He had not been sure what to expect and suddenly he hadn't been able to breathe. He had needed to get away, to hide.

Everything had started to catch up on him. So he had run 'til he had been far away from the main tower. Where he had found a hidden staircase, he climbed them to a balcony where he was sure no one would find him.

So here he sat, on the outer edge on the city, trying to sort his feelings.

This should have been the happiest day of his life. Ever since he and Teyla had decided to stay together, he had pondered on how to breach the subject of having kids in the future. He wanted kids. It had been a major issue with his ex-wife.

Of course, it had crossed his mind that it might be too late for considerations. Teyla had told him it might be best to use condoms for a while and he was very aware that they hadn't used condoms or anything else the night they had agreed on as one last time.

But then he had trusted Teyla to tell him, and when she hadn't said a thing, he had thought nothing had happened; now he knew his hope had not been unfounded.

It started to rain, but John didn't move. The rain was cold, as was the wind, now beating against him. John just didn't care.

He felt betrayed and the gap that had opened between him and Teyla since her people had gone missing seemed insurmountable. Once more he hadn't been able to keep a relationship working.

He knew he should have gone with her to the infirmary to see if she was alright, if their baby was alright and talk to her right away, but instead he had took off and had left her to face her fears alone.

Ronon had been with her and had been the one to tell him that Teyla and the baby were unharmed.

John drew his knees to his chest, hugging them, trying to keep some of his body warmth. His head dropped forward to rest on his knees. He felt the cold rain run down his neck onto his back, making him shiver. He should move.

Teyla couldn't have known what he thought. He wished he had told her. She hadn't betrayed him. She probably had been scared and still was.

Giving her room had also been easier for him; as he was busy with his own wishes and thoughts. He had let Teyla down.

.

XOXOXOXOXO

.

Teyla grew worried. She looked out the window at the rain falling against the glass. Where had John gone? She had looked everywhere she could think of. She felt bad.

It had taken her some time to swallow what had passed, and for the past day she had preferred not to seek him out, angry with his behavior.

Luckily, he had been gone, giving her room and time to get her feelings and thoughts back under control, but she had finally realized that she had no reason to be angry with John while he had every reason to be angry with her.

She also realized that he had done a lot of that lately, given her room. He had been there, but she had preferred to keep to herself, part of it her fear of what he would think about becoming a father. She had blocked him out.

Realizing what she had done, she started thinking about their latest heated conversation.

She had seen the emotions flicker across his face. There had been so many, but the one surprising her most had been the happiness at the beginning.

For a moment he had just been happy. She hadn't expected that emotion, as she hadn't expected to see fear. She had expected the anger though, but not in the way she had gotten it.

_You let me put you out in the field …_ she knew John good enough to have heard the fear laced in the words. _You let me risk our child without telling me _that had been the true meaning of his words. He wasn't angry about the fact that she was pregnant, he was angry for not being told. He wanted this child as much as she did.

What had passed next was again unexpected; in his anger he had taken her off active duty. How could he? She needed to go out to find her people. Then he had gone, just like that, returning to his duty.

It had been her behavior, she hadn't left him room to react any differently, Ronon had been with them, she could have asked him to leave so she and John could talk in private, but she had feared John's reaction. Now, she knew his reaction would have been vastly different. He still would have been angry, but he also would have been happy. She had taken that moment from them.

That was the reason she was here in his quarters waiting for him. She was the one who needed to apologize. She was sure John was berating himself for his behavior. He never was angry with anyone for long and in the end blamed himself, only this time he had done nothing wrong. He had just reacted to what she had thrown at him.

She lifted her hand to her com.

"Colonel Sheppard, please come in." She waited a moment before repeating her hail.

After a moment she heard a click.

"Teyla?"

"John," she said relieved.

"No, it's Rodney. Sheppard left his com in the mess. He should be in his quarters. He wanted to go to bed early."

There was a pause. "I was just about to bring him his com. I can tell him to call you."

"That will not be necessary, Rodney. There is no need to wake John. I will go to his quarters tomorrow morning anyway, why do you not bring it to me?"

There was another pause and she was sure that Rodney was waging his options, without a doubt knowing that she and John had fought yesterday.

"Uhm, yeah, okay. I'll be there in a few," with that the connection was cut. Teyla quickly used the secret hallway, hoping John would come home soon; she didn't want anyone else to start worrying.

The moment she stepped through the door into her quarters the door chimes sounded.

To her surprise the door behind her closed without her using the sensor. Confused, she stepped around her bed, but before she could use the sensor, once more the door opened without her doing anything but thinking about it.

"Hey, Teyla," Rodney said, stepping into the room. From the look on his face Teyla could tell he was nervous.

"Rodney," she returned his greeting, forcing her confusion away. "I am glad you have returned unharmed."

"Uhm," Rodney cocked his head. "Yeah, listen I didn't have the time before, so I wanted to say that I'm…" Rodney waved at her lower section while searching for words. "All the best for the kid," he finally blurted. "Sheppard told me. I know you fought from Ronon, but trust me, he is happy for you even if it didn't seemed like that. But he told me he is. Give him some time to swallow that …" Rodney paused again. "I mean, we are kind of surprised, at least I am. Sheppard obviously was too. I'm sure he is going to apologize as soon as he wakes tomorrow." Rodney looked as if he wanted to say more, but Teyla had heard enough, Rodney had just confirmed what Teyla had already suspected - John blamed himself for what had happened.

"Thank you, Rodney. I know that John is happy for me. That is why I wanted to talk to him. I should have said something sooner."

"Uhm," Rodney said once more. "He left the mess two hours ago."

"Thank you, Rodney, Good night."

Rodney smiled before wishing her a good night and once more congratulating her on the baby.

As soon as the door closed behind Rodney, Teyla turned and the secret door opened again without her doing anything about it.

Her hand flew to her stomach, she was carrying John's child! She quickly moved back to John's room but he hadn't returned yet. She moved to his table knowing he had hidden a life signs detector in the left drawer. She took a deep breath. Her hand was slightly shaking when she took the LSD out. For a moment nothing happened and she thought she had been wrong but then she felt warmth spread from her hand through her and the little scanner sprang to life.

She wondered if it could help her find John, but there were so many dots on it. Suddenly the picture changed and after a moment a single dot was shown far outside on the east pier. Teyla's head snapped to look outside, it was raining and storming. John's jacket hung over his chair.

She quickly gathered John's jacket as well as a blanket and then moved to her room, quickly dressing to go outside.

.

XOXOXOXOXO

.

Teyla's heart broke when she finally found John. He was huddled against the side of a building, his knees drawn to his chest, his head resting on his on his knees.

He was soaking wet.

She quickly opened the emergency blanket and threw it over him to get him out of the rain. She crouched under the blanket next to John, her hand travelling to his neck, his skin was ice cold.

"John?"

It took a moment before he reacted, but then he stirred, his head moving to her voice. He blinked at her in confusion.

"We have to get you inside."

"Cold," he answered through chattering teeth.

"I know John, come on," she pulled at his arm, but he didn't budge.

"I lost you."

"Do not be foolish," Teyla stated firm.

"I pushed you away. I just walked away, like I always do. You're probably wondering right now what to do."

Teyla tightened her grip on his neck. "John, I am here with you."

John shook his head. "Nah, you're just in my head."

John was so wet and the water kept dripping from his hair that Teyla didn't know if he was crying or not, but she suspected he was. He was totally confused and still did not realize he was really talking to her.

"My ex-wife Nancy was pregnant, I found out accidently. I was so happy. I wrote my resignation right away. When I asked her, she told me that she had decided to not have the baby and that she had terminated the pregnancy the week before." John shuddered. "I showed her the letter and she got mad at me. She said everything was my fault, because she couldn't trust me to keep my word."

Teyla could barely hold back her tears. "John. I am really here and you did not lose me. I will carry our child and in a few months we will be parents."

Again he shook his head. "You didn't tell me, because you don't trust me and you don't want a baby. I'm no good and you finally figured out that I'm not."

There was no accusation in his voice making the statement even worse. She had betrayed John. Something others had done before. She should have seen this coming. He had told her about his family and ex-wife. She knew John and how he worked, but her own anxieties had gotten in the way. Being pregnant didn't help her being rational and John had suffered from her insecurity.

She trusted John and she loved him. He had done nothing wrong - it was all her doing and still he blamed himself.

Teyla let go of John's neck and hooked her arm under his.

"Whoa…" Teyla pulled John up forcefully, knowing she might hurt him, but she needed him to understand.

She pressed her body against his to keep him upright as she looked into his face, his eyes cleared.

"Teyla?" he asked, immediately averting his eyes to keep her out.

She lifted her hand and grabbed his chin, forcing him to look at her. She swallowed hard at the pain she found in his eyes.

"I love you, John. Nothing will change that. I too make mistakes and sometimes my own stubbornness gets in the way as does yours. I am sorry I did not tell you sooner. I was scared of the repercussions. It has nothing to do with you. You did not do anything wrong. I hope with time you will learn to trust me again."

"I trust you, Teyla," John said his voice low.

"I know, John." She looked at John - he looked awful. "I need to bring you to the infirmary."

"I want to go home."

Teyla studied John a moment. She was uncertain, but it would be hard to explain why John had been sitting in the rain. He trusted her and she knew Dr Keller would make wrong assumptions. This was something the two needed to work out between them.

.

XOXOXOXOXO

.

John felt groggy; he had the headache from hell. He shivered; despite feeling the warmth around him, a deep cold had settled in his bones.

"John?" Teyla's voice penetrated the fog around him. He tried desperately to remember what had happened.

He remembered being cold, very cold. He felt tremors rolling through his body like waves.

Fuzzy images entered his brain and he didn't really know what to do with them. He felt the blankets over him move and for a moment cold air invaded the warmth around him, a warm hand settle on his bare chest and a warm body settled next to him.

He turned towards the warmth and felt Teyla's arm pulling him to her.

"You're mad at me," he mumbled sleepily. "I left you."

"No, I am not mad at you and you did not leave me," Teyla's voice was so firm and full of love he couldn't help believe her.

"Sorry, I was an idiot."

He heard Teyla sigh. "You were not."

"I love you."

"I love you too, John."

"I'm going to be a Dad."

"Yes you are."

"Thank you."

"Sleep John, you will feel better tomorrow."

Teyla was relieved when John snuggled deeper in her embrace. She was slightly worried that even after two hours, he still felt cold. But this was what they both needed, holding each other.

She would have to apologize again when he was coherent enough to understand and she would have to make it up to him. He would forgive her eventually, because that was who he was. But what she needed most was him to trust her again.

.

XOXOXOXOXO

.

It was still early morning when John woke feeling Teyla pressed tightly against him. For a moment everything seemed fine, but then his mind was flooded with the memories of last evening and night. He groaned inwardly, he was surprised Teyla could stand still being this close to him.

He pressed his eyelids together, berating himself. He didn't deserve Teyla, he was an awful husband and he would be failure as a father.

He felt Teyla shift and quickly relaxed his features hoping he could feign sleep. He was so embarrassed and angry about the whole situation.

Teyla's hand settled on his chest.

"I do not know why you would say that," Teyla's voice said and John flinched when he realized he had spoken his thoughts out loud. His eyes snapped opened and he looked in Teyla's worried face. "I would be honored to have you as my husband and you are going to be a wonderful father."

He opened his mouth to protest, but Teyla was faster and the hand that had been resting on his chest was suddenly covering his mouth.

"If I hear the word sorry just one time from your mouth today, I promise that we will continue this discussion in the gym until you realize that it is I who made the mistake."

John raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"It was my decision to talk to you in the middle of the hall. I did not leave you enough space. I am sorry."

John blushed and closed his eyes at being reminded of his behavior. Not enough that he had been a jerk yesterday and then lost it, nooo, he couldn't even keep himself in check this morning.

Okay, Teyla had not told him a very important part and he was hurt that she hadn't, but again he understood. He too had pondered for quite some time how to tell her he wanted kids.

He huffed his annoyance against Teyla's hand, angry with himself again.

"I am so sorry," Teyla said her voice breaking. "I do understand that you will need time to forgive me, but I hope that you will be able to trust me again."

The catch in Teyla's voice brought him up short. How could she think he would not trust her anymore? Then he remembered that in his foggy state of mind he had spilled his guts and told Teyla what Nancy had done.

John groaned.

Teyla moved away, but John caught her hand and then pulled her back to him, trying to ignore the effect Teyla's naked skin had against his. He would have to thank her for not bringing him to the infirmary.

"Teyla, I meant it last night when I said I trust you. I will not lie and tell you that I'm not still angry that you didn't tell me sooner, but mostly I'm angry with myself." He took a deep breath. "I realized that something was bothering you, but instead of talking to you I decided to just let you be. I took the easy way out."

Teyla shook her head, burying it in John's chest as she let her tears fall. John shifted, pulling her fully into his embrace.

"I love you and I couldn't be happier for you being pregnant with our first child," he whispered in her ear, making her sob even harder, but now the sobs were mingled with happy laughter.

After a while Teyla looked into John's face; the happiness she felt was clearly in John's face too, as well as the wonder and love. They would have to talk about everything some more, but for now they would celebrate the creation of their first child.

Their lips met for a first kiss, promising forgiveness and the continuation of their love and relationship, more kisses followed accompanied by loving words and touches, washing away the pain and hurt from the past days. Soon both were locked in the most intimate embrace writhing against each other in their effort to bring the most pleasure to their partner.

…

John watched the rays of early morning light dance across the ceiling; Teyla sleeping contently in his arms. They both had made mistakes, but they were willing to work them out. John knew he had come a long way and still had a way to go. If he had told Teyla months ago that he would like to have kids, they would have been able to keep a lot of hurt and misunderstandings away.

John's thoughts came to Nancy. In a particularly nasty argument she had yelled at him that happiness came with a price and if he wasn't willing to pay it. It was his problem. The truth was she had wanted him to pay the price solely; giving up his life and career to be the person she wanted him to be.

His gaze fell on Teyla's head. She wanted him the way he was and she was willing to lead a secret life to be with him. She was paying a high price for being happy with him.

He took a deep breath. He never wanted to feel like he had the past days, if that meant he would have to learn to address his feelings and wishes sooner, he would gladly do that. It was his price for happiness and he was more than willing to pay it for Teyla and their unborn child.

.

.

Would like to know what you think. So please leave me a review.

I wish everyone a Happy Valentine as a little surprise here are some spoilers of whats coming your way in the rest of the story:

.

.

Chapter 6

.

Finding a New Way together

.

"Good, because I'm planning on not leaving this bed today," he said pulling her close again to once more show her just how happy he was.

...

"I love you, John and even though we never married like I have seen in your movies, it is how I feel about you."

.

Chapter 7  
.

Another Day, Another Secret

.  
"You're married and expecting a baby?"

...

"There is never a good time for certain things."

...

"John, we could do this another time,"  
...

"Things happen. Listen, we don't have much time. The doc said to get her when you woke and also that they were shipping you back to Peterson as soon as you were awake."

.  
Chapter 8  
.

The worth of a Life together

.

When his heart stopped for the second time, Jennifer Keller decided that it had been a mistake to give in to his plea, and even though he had rescued them, it hadn't been worth it.

...

She wouldn't give up. She just couldn't. She counted the compressions Marie was beating against John's chest after a short pause of waiting to see if his heart continued to beat on its own.  
...

Rodney was happy in his lab and Ronon could join Lorne's team for the time being.

...

Teyla and Torren were healthy and didn't seem to be suffering any repercussions of their time being in Michael's grasp.

.

Chapter 9

.

The Biggest Secret of them All  
.

He had already thanked John exuberantly for saving Earth, hell he had gotten promoted and awarded for that. So John hoped it had nothing to do him, but then the next words out of the President's mouth had John almost choking on his drink.


	7. Chapter 6 Finding a New Way together

Only a short filler to complete the last chapter and move on to the Rest, only three more chapters left.

.

Chapter Six

.

Finding a new Way together

.

TAG to Be All My Sins Remember'd Part Two

.

Teyla stirred awake turning further into John, her chin resting on his shoulder as she watched his profile.

"Making love isn't bad for the baby, right?" He should have thought of that before.

"Not that I am aware of."

"You never asked Keller?"

Teyla smirked at John.

"Right, what did you tell her anyway?"

"She did not ask yet, but I think I will go with Ronon's assumption."

"Huh?" John asked lifting his head to be able to look at Teyla better.

"He assumed that Kanaan was the father."

"Your friend who had the bonding thing with Maya?" he asked, wondering how Ronon had gotten that impression. "Ronon really believes that you are with Kanaan and that he …?"

"Fathered our child? Yes."

"Okay," John stretched the word, before leaning forward to place a kiss on Teyla's nose. "Good to know."

"Yes, it is."

They fell silent and John looked back at the ceiling while Teyla snuggled on his chest. They would have to get up soon.

"How did you find me anyway?" John suddenly asked, knowing she could barely have asked in the control room for his whereabouts without attracting attention.

Teyla leaned over John and grabbed the LSD she had used yesterday to show it to John.

It immediately lit up.

John's eyes went wide before a smug smile entered his face.

"Cool. How did you …"

"Find out," Teyla interrupted and John nodded.

"Last night when I was searching for you, the doors suddenly opened and closed for me without me having to use the sensors. When Rodney told me you had left the mess two hours previously to go to bed, I really started to worry as you hadn't come back here. I knew you had this." She waved the LSD. "And since the doors suddenly seemed to read my mind, I just tried it out."

"I didn't mean to scare you."

"I know you did not. We both made mistakes, but we will learn."

"Yeah, we will."

Teyla replaced the LSD back on the nightstand, before she settled back down against John.

"I think we will have to confess to Jennifer who really got you pregnant," John said after a moment, sure Keller would find out eventually that none of her people could have fathered the baby.

Teyla nodded against John's chest, after a moment she started to place kisses on the muscled plain of his stomach.

"Teyla," John warned. "You might want to stop that. As much as I would like to make love to you the whole day, I'm pretty sure someone has noticed my absence by now."

"I am sure they have," Teyla said. "But since Rodney gave me your com last night, I had a good excuse to call in sick for you earlier this morning," she announced smiling. "By the way, Jennifer said that you are to visit the infirmary if you do not feel better by the evening," she paused grinning before going on. "And Rodney said he will be busy in the lab. Ronon took over my self-defense classes, allowing me to take care of you and _to clear the air_ as Rodney said. They will come by tonight to see if you are better, though."

John chuckled as he pulled Teyla up so her face was up to his. "There is no harm in doing … this?"

"I do not believe so. But we shall talk to Jennifer tonight, together."

"Good, because I'm planning on not leaving this bed today," he said pulling her close again to once more show her just how happy he was.

.

XOXOXOXOXO

.

Missing scene and TAG to Spoils of War

.

"You will have to talk to her eventually," Rodney pointed out to John when he left the ready room. Though the others were already on their way to the Jumper he had thought it best to wait and talk to John.

"I did, Rodney."

"Didn't look like it, just now."

John stopped and turned to Rodney. "For the last time McKay, this is none of your business."

Rodney crossed his arms across his chest and huffed indignantly. He turned without saying another word and walked ahead.

John grumbled, getting into another fight, albeit a small one, with Teyla was bad enough, without Ronon and Rodney getting involved every time. Why in the world did she have to come to the ready room to start that discussion again?

Despite Teyla's words, they had discussed this matter more than once and had agreed to disagree. The rest was more as show for the others and her trying to get her will. Still, John was a little pissed, he knew Teyla wanted to find her people and he would help her, but he wanted her to be safe, too. This was dangerous.

For the first time being Teyla's CO was becoming a problem, luckily Carter had backed him up on his decision to take her off duty and even Keller had taken his side.

The doc had been pretty cool about the whole thing, even if she had gotten a bit pale when Teyla and he had asked her to talk in private.

Over the past weeks she and Teyla had become very good friends however, and the doc often was in Teyla's quarters when John came home. He was glad Keller was distracting Teyla from the fact that her people were missing and Teyla could talk girly stuff with her.

John waited for Rodney to take the transporter before moving on, not in the mood for another discussion. Lately, Ronon and Rodney had been very interested about how Teyla and John interacted. More than once, John had ended up with a string of well meant, but totally useless advice.

…

Rodney stepped out of the transporter, coming face to face with Ronon.

"And?" he asked the scientist.

"Next time you can talk to him," Rodney groused. "Why did I have to anyway?"

"You lost," Ronon stated smugly.

"Right, next time I choose the game. "

Ronon shrugged. "I like Rock, Paper, Scissors."

"Sure you do. You always win. Let's go, Colonel Sunshine should be here any moment. I'm not in the mood for another argument.

…

"Let's go home, Teyla," John said leaning back, looking into her eyes. He could see the pain in her eyes and felt bad as he could barely hide his happiness. They were having a boy. He was getting a son. He couldn't be more proud.

He knew they should be more careful, anyone could see them here on the balcony. But he had known that Teyla needed him. He brushed her tears from her cheeks. This had been the reason he wanted her to stay here, where she was safe, and as painful as it was for both of them it had been a lesson she had needed to learn, to understand his intentions.

He was sure they would not discuss the matter of her not being in the field again. Though he felt anything but happy he had been right. He had barely acknowledged her admitting that he had been right. He was just glad his family was healthy.

John kept his arm around Teyla's shoulders when they walked to her quarters. He quickly said an official goodnight then hurried to his own quarters. Teyla was already sitting on his bed, holding his pillow in front of her - it looked like she needed a lot of consolation tonight. Something he was glad to give.

He settled on the bed next to Teyla, pulling her into his embrace. He would hold her as long as she needed to.

"You are a good husband, John," Teyla said quietly, surprising John. She had been so quiet John had been sure she was asleep.

John gasped, wondering what to say. For some time he had pondered on that topic, but after his mess up he had been sure she never agree to marry him. Though he clearly remembered his slip telling her he was a bad husband and not boyfriend or partner practically announcing what he thought, how he felt about her. She belonged to him, as did he to her.

Teyla shifted to see John's face. He blinked at her, not knowing what to make of her words. Teyla seemed to sense his hesitation.

"I love you, John and even though we never married like I have seen in your movies, it is how I feel about you."

John gulped, before starting to smile. "I promise, Teyla, we'll get married as soon as we will get a chance to go to earth together, if you really want to?"

Teyla nodded, pulling John in for a kiss. That night they slept in John's quarters, though his bed was barely made for two, let alone three. Teyla seemed to need him as close as possible and in the small bed, he would not turn away in sleep. So he slept with his hand resting on the little bump that now adorned Teyla's till a week ago flat stomach.

.

I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I promise the next will be much longer.

Please review. It really makes me happy!


	8. Chapter 7 Another Day, another Secret

Hey guys here is the next. This is my AU of Outcast as of course it has to fit in my universe. I think it still goes with the original plot. Hopefully!

I have to apologize prematurely; this fic is part of the LJ Beya 28 days of John and Teyla challenge, so the next chapters will be up on my last posting day February 27th. Sorry for the wait, though I promise to post the rest at once.

Since I can't thank those who review as guest directly, thanks for your kind words and I hope you continue to like it.

Part of the spoken text is taken directly from the episode Outcast. I do not own any rights and am not planning on claiming it as my work. So due to practical reasons I do not point out the text passages in particular.

Doing this just for the fun of it.

I thank my wonderful Beta Amy.

.

Chapter seven

.

Outcast Addition AU

.

Another Day, another Secret

.

"Don't even try, I just did," Rodney said, catching Teyla by her arm to stop her.

"I do not understand." Teyla looked at Rodney blinking in surprise.

"Oh, I thought you already heard. Sheppard's packing. His father died last night. He is gating back to Earth in an hour."

Teyla gulped, freeing her arm and moving on without saying a word.

"Teyla, he said he is fine."

Teyla turned glaring at Rodney.

Rodney shrugged, taking her look as a warning to not get involved. "Good luck. He was not in the mood to talk," he called after her, before turning around, going his way.

Teyla opened the door to John's quarters without caring if someone wondered how she did so without using the sensor or announcing her arrival. To her surprise he was nowhere to be seen. The door connecting their quarters stood open however, so she followed a hunch. She found John in front of her closet, a bag next to him. Though he seemed to be looking for something, Teyla could tell he didn't see a thing.

"John?"

John jerked and his hand flew to his face, obviously trying to cover his tears. Just once before she had seen him cry and that had been her fault. She quickly closed the distance between them, taking him in her arms.

John buried his face in her hair and neck.

A few days ago they had actually discussed going to Earth, so John could try and talk to his father. It seemed like fate had other ideas. After a while John took a deep breath. Teyla knew he was gathering his strength from her love.

"I don't know what to pack for you," he mumbled, freeing himself, before turning back to her closet and eyeing her clothes.

Teyla was glad John had not even asked if she wanted to come. He had just assumed she would and he was right.

Though not married on paper as John had stated, they were married at heart.

.

XOXOXOXOXO

.

John stared at his shoes deep in thoughts; though he was moved that Ronon had decided to come too, it complicated things. He wanted to tell Dave that Teyla was his wife, pregnant with his kid, but every excuse he thought of for Ronon sounded weak and fabricated.

"John?" Teyla's soft voice pulled him from his thoughts and he looked up at her.

"I talked to Ronon. We agreed that it would be best for only one of us accompany you."

"I hope you won," John mumbled, though he seemed clearly worried.

"Yes," Teyla smiled down at him touching his cheek. She bent over to rest her forehead against his, but

like so often lately her ever-growing belly got in the way, making her lose her balance.

John had already anticipated her sudden clumsiness and pulled her onto his lap. His hand travelled to rest above their son and he could feel him kick. He laid his head against her shoulder glad for a few moments of solitude with her.

He looked down at the black dress someone had given to her. It was tight-fitting at the top, but flowed freely over her swollen midsection to her knees. She also wore a small jacket since the dress had spaghetti straps.

"You look beautiful," he said in a soft voice and she felt him rummaging in his pants. After a moment he held a small box in front of her. "I haven't forgotten," he stated. "I got this form my vault here at the SGC."

Teyla looked at the box, confused.

"It may not fit," he continued. "My mom gave it to me to give to the woman I decided I want to spent my life with. It belonged to my grandmother and as far as I know to her mother, I know it's old, but I thought you might like it anyway."

Though Teyla didn't really understand what John was telling her, she got the meaning. John opened the box.

Teyla could not help gasping, her hand shooting to the box.

Teyla had never thought about jewelry, but she just loved the ring. The band was silver, and though it was pretty broad, small oval and triangular holes made it seem almost fragile. The top side was broader and a lonely, small pink pearl adorned it.

John let Teyla hold the box while he loosened the ring, taking it out to slip it over her left ring finger. It was a little tight, but Teyla was sure that as soon as the baby was born and she had lost the extra weight it would fit perfectly.

She grabbed his chin and tilted John's head to her. "Thank you. It is perfect." She placed a kiss on John's mouth; before the kiss could deepen further a noise from outside the changing room separated the two.

John bent down again to finish tying his shoes.

"What's Ronon going to do?"

"General Landry asked him to train a batch of new recruits, since 'T'ealc?'" she said the name as a question, "is off world."

"Good to know," John looked up, seeing Ronon enter the room. "Hey Chewy, you okay staying here?"

Ronon grinned "Landry asked me to beat up their marines."

John grimaced, but refrained from commenting. Ronon had come all this way; it was just right he had some fun too.

He stood up, moving to Teyla's side.

"Okay Chewy, have fun. We'll see you later."

"Cool," Ronon said, grinning ear to ear.

.

XOXOXOXOX

.

John stepped around the car fidgeting. He couldn't wait to feel Teyla's hand back in his. Here no one knew them. Here they didn't have to keep a secret. John could hold her hand and draw his strength from her presence and no one would wonder.

There were already many people in the lawn.

Despite the fact that the Apollo had beamed them to the closest Military base they were a little late. Usually the drive wouldn't have taken more than two and a half hours, but John had worried for Teyla, so he had made several stops along the way. Giving her time to use the facilities, rest or stretch her legs.

He lifted his left hand to open the door for Teyla, his eyes falling to the ring.

To pass the time and distract John from where they were going, Teyla had asked a lot of questions about her ring and the tradition of wedding rings on earth. In the end, both had agreed on getting a ring for John too before heading back home.

Their last stop had been in a small town thirty minutes ago. On their short walk, they had stumbled across a small jewelry store. In the window they had seen the perfect ring for John, a simple band the same color as Teyla's ring.

John opened the door and helped Teyla out. They walked to the house, hand in hand.

Teyla was stunned. John had told her about his family and the wealth he had grown up with before, but seeing it was completely different than hearing about it.

Teyla registered a tall blond man walking in their direction. In reflex John's grip on her hand tightened. Teyla assumed that the man had to be Dave.

"John," the man greeted looking at her.

"Dave." John let go of Teyla's hand, extending it to meet Dave's.

"I wasn't sure you gonna make it," Dave stated. "It's good to see you."

Both men kept their distance and John took hold of Teyla's hand again, pulling her close. Dave heaved a sigh before resuming his monologue, not giving John time to say something or introduce her. Though the words were not spoken in an unkind manner, Teyla could read the unspoken accusation in the subtext.

"I contacted your unit commander at Peterson, but sometimes these messages don't seem to reach you."

Teyla felt John stiffen, she squeezed his hand and he relaxed slightly.

"Well, I came as soon as I heard," John replied. There was a short, uncomfortable pause and Dave's gaze once more travelled to Teyla.

"Uhm, yeah, this is Teyla."

"Teyla, this is Dave, my brother."

"I am honored to meet you." Teyla said extending her free right hand. "I am sorry for you loss."

"Pleasure," was the short reply.

"You two, uh, work together," there was a short pause as Dave's gaze once more travelled over Teyla and then to their clasped hands, "in the Air Force?"

"Teyla works as ambassador, though she is on my team." John looked at Teyla and their gaze met, before he looked back at Dave. "But mostly she's my wife."

"Your wife?" Dave was obviously shocked, his gaze travelling again over Teyla and then to John's left hand.

"You're married and expecting a baby?" Though Teyla had just met Dave she could hear the anger swinging in his voice.

"Yes," John answered shortly.

"Right," Dave replied, reigning himself in. "Anyway, John, I think we should probably talk."

John grimaced looking down. Teyla squeezed his hand again so he started to nod looking up again, "Yeah."

"I'll catch up with you later."

John nodded again and Dave turned around leaving the two without another word.

After a moment John unfroze. He looked at Teyla and she understood that he wasn't in the mood to talk. So they walked up to the house in silence.

John led Teyla to a double door leading inside; she could see a coffin surrounded by flowers and a picture that obviously showed John's father. There were people inside so she and John waited outside the door for them to leave. John kept Teyla close.

"Do you wish me to wait outside?" she asked after a moment.

John looked up to her, his face stricken. He didn't know what to do. Teyla had seen him being emotional before, but somehow he had the feeling this was something he had to do on his own. Teyla seemed to sense his indecision.

He took in the now empty room.

"I'll stay right here; just call me if you want me to come inside." John nodded, finally letting go of Teyla's hand, stepping inside the room, alone.

.

XOXOXOXOXO

.

"You're hungry?" John asked quietly, bending down to Teyla.

Teyla shook her head. "I would prefer to walk a bit," Teyla admitted after a moment. She was tired and moving would help her feeling a little more awake.

John nodded, pulling her from her seat. John steered her in the direction of the stables telling her a little more about his love for horses, riding and growing up here.

John seemed more comfortable away from the people. They pause at the fence and watched the horses. Teyla standing in John's embrace, his hand resting on her stomach.

Teyla looked back to the house, spying a woman watching them; she started to walk in their direction. Teyla waited a moment, but when there was no mistaking about the woman's destination, she decided to inform John.

"There is a woman walking in our direction."

John inconspicuously looked in the direction Teyla pointed out; he quickly turned back, groaning.

"That's Nancy," John said grimacing.

"Oh," Teyla said, her hand resting against his chest. "It is fine, John," she soothed. John took hold of Teyla's hand and both turned around.

"Hi, John," the woman greeted still being a few feet away.

"Nancy," he paused looking at Teyla a little helplessly. "I didn't expect to see you here."

Instead of replying the woman stepped into John's personal space. John stiffened when she grabbed his shoulders and pressed herself to him, her cheek to his, forcing Teyla to take a step away. "I'm very sorry," she said stepping back again.

John clutched at Teyla's hand and as soon as the woman let go, pulled her flush to his side and a little in front of him.

For a moment he was speechless.

"Ahm, Nancy, Teyla my wife. Teyla, Nancy," he introduced clearly uncomfortable.

Finally Nancy turned to Teyla, her eyes widening for a moment. "Nice to meet you," she said offering her hand.

Teyla tilted her head while taking her offered hand. To do that she had to let go of John's hand; his arm immediately curled around her back, his hand coming to rest on her waist on the left side. He was using her as a shield, but Teyla did not mind.

"How long are you here?" he fired another awkward question at her. Teyla could tell he wanted her gone. She hoped the other woman did not take offence, but from her reaction she seemed to expect John's behavior.

"Just for today; I have to be in Washington tomorrow so …"

"You're still with Homeland Security?"

"I just got promoted. I'm a director now."

"Congratulations." There was a moment of awkward silence.

"How's Greg?"

"Grant."

"Grant."

"He would have come, but he is tying a case in Phoenix."

"Sounds like he's doing well."

"Yeah, he is, ah he is, yeah he's doing well." There was another pause and Nancy was looking at Teyla again. "I guess you're doing well, too."

John too looked at Teyla and his free hand unconsciously travelled to her stomach. He couldn't help but smile when he felt his son kick under his palm.

"Congratulations," Nancy said, more to Teyla now than John who was looking at Teyla's stomach. "When are you due?"

"Ten weeks," John fired so fast there was no mistaking how happy he was. Teyla however was watching Nancy and didn't miss the hurt cross the woman's face.

"You're still in the Air Force?" she asked further, still looking at John.

"He is the Military commander of the base we live on. I used to work with John, though I am not in the Air Force," Teyla answered, feeling the need to show the woman just how proud she was of John. "There is no need for John to stop doing what he loves, just because we are expecting a child."

Nancy's head snapped to Teyla again. Teyla knew it was a low blow, but her hormones played havoc with her emotions again and right now she didn't like the woman that much. She was not jealous though; secure in John's love for her. But the woman had hurt John and Teyla felt the urge to protect him and show her how well he was doing.

"You knew your dad was always very good to me," Nancy said, concentrating back on John. John shifted, looking up at Nancy again without moving his hands from Teyla, almost embracing her again.

"Well, in his mind, marrying you was probably the best thing I ever did," he quipped.

"Okay," Nancy said through her teeth, obviously taking John's words as a compliment. "Well it's good to see you again, John."

Teyla bit her lip, knowing the truth behind John's word. It was his father's opinion, not John's.

"Take care of yourself," Nancy added, turning to Teyla. "It was nice to meet you."

"Thank you, I too am glad to meet an old friend of John's," Teyla couldn't help firing another jab at John's ex-wife.

She watched the woman go, while John rested his head against hers, obviously emotionally drained.

.

XOXOXOXOXO

.

Teyla watched John talk to his brother. He had asked her to go on while explaining things. But she knew that whatever was said was hurting John. She looked in the rearview mirror at the woman who was responsible for the new fissure in his relationship to his family.

"I'm very sorry, but I really need your help," she said. From the look on her face, Teyla could tell that she meant it.

She sighed. "There is never a good time for certain things."

She looked at John, but he was still talking to Dave.

"I do have to ask you for a favor," Teyla turned as good as she could to look at the woman. "I assume you have watched me and the Colonel today."

"You are a cute couple."

Teyla cringed. "Please do not speak to anyone about what has been between us."

The woman looked from Teyla to John then back, realization dawning in her eyes. "I won't, I promise."

Teyla nodded and turned around just in time for John to miss the exchange between the two women. It was one worry she could keep from him.

.

XOXOXOXOXO

.

"John, we could do this another time," Teyla said, watching John pulling his shirt over his head. She got up, assisting him when his face contorted in another pained grimace.

"No," he grounded out between clenched teeth. "There is no telling when we'll be able to get back to Earth again. I want to talk to Dave and I want to make sure that we are actually married, before our son is born." His voice was a little breathless and Teyla started to wonder if his ribs really were just bruised.

"Maybe you could speak to General Landry and spend your sick leave on Earth."

"I'm not on sick leave," John stated.

"What? But Dr. Lam examined you," she said. "I do not understand."

She watched John's expression turn guilty.

"You did not tell her about your ribs," she huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

John's expression changed again and Teyla groaned inwardly. She hated this look on him, the one he looked especially sad with. Puppy dog look Jennifer had once called it. She never could deny him anything if he looked at her like that and he knew it.

"I promise, Teyla, that I'll let her check me out as soon as we are back at the SGC."

Teyla huffed, unsure. Now that she knew he had not been examined, she worried that he was hurt worse. Just a day had passed and there was no telling what could really be wrong with him. His gaze intensified and with a sigh she let her arms drop in defeat.

"I love you, Teyla, thank you!"

"Do not let me regret my decision!"

"If you have the feeling that something is off, you can call the SGC," John said, handing Teyla his cell as a peace offer.

They packed their bags and John made the call to the Apollo to beam their things back to the SGC, before leaving the hotel room they had spent the night in.

.

XOXOXOXOXO

.

Teyla paced the little waiting room. She should not have agreed to this. She should have put her foot down this morning and demanded from John to see Dr. Lam.

She had had a bad feeling from the beginning. In the morning light his torso had looked awful and he had been in enough pain to make her worry.

Her mind wandered back on the events of the day.

Leaving the hotel, John had told the cab driver to bring them to a small chapel where they had exchanged their wedding vows and become officially married after signing several papers.

John had fixed all the legal necessities yesterday. Luckily, Teyla had gotten papers from the SGC to travel on Earth which had made it easy for them to get a license.

The ceremony had been simple, but sweet and the words the pastor had spoken were very fitting. As they had needed a witness, the wife of the pastor as well as his oldest daughter had been present too. After thanking the family, John had called another cab and they had driven to Dave's house again.

Luckily he had agreed to let them in and talk to them.

They had settled in the den. There had been a moment of silence before John had started to speak. To her surprise the words had just flown from his mouth. But now she realized that he might have been influenced by his deteriorating condition. He had gotten paler by the minute and grown restless and uncomfortable.

His hand ever so often traveling to his ribcage, Teyla hadn't been the only one to notice and at one point Dave had asked if John had been hurt somehow.

John's explanation of being just a bit sore after being bounced around a little while working, combined with his typical I'm fine, hadn't flown with the older Sheppard either, and in the end Dave had insisted on calling his family doc to take a look at his little brother.

While listening to the two brother talk, Teyla started to understand that John and his brother would probably never be best friends. They were just too different. She felt bad for Dave as she felt he didn't want to see the great man John was. In his eyes only wealth and social position counted, something John cared very little about.

She wisely kept her opinion to herself not wanting to anger the older Sheppard.

Suddenly John had felt so bad, he needed to lie down. By the time the doc had come he had been barely responsive. Teyla had wanted to call the SGC, but the doc had already called an ambulance.

On the way to the hospital Teyla, being John's wife, had been allowed to ride in the ambulance with him. She had taken the time to call the SGC and take control of the situation.

…

Teyla looked around the empty room. Right now, Dr. Lam was performing emergency surgery on the man she loved and once more she had to hide behind the mask of only being his teammate and friend.

When the medic had called her Mrs. Sheppard in front of Lam she had been horrified, but in a quiet moment Dr. Lam had congratulated her on her quick thinking, to tell them she was John's wife as this way she was the one who had power of attorney.

The door opened and Dave entered the room holding a cup of coffee. He looked unhappy.

"You should have let me call our family surgeon. He is the best in the area. I don't understand why you don't tell him to quit, he could have died."

Teyla wasn't intimidated or fazed by the tone in Dave's voice. She knew he was only worried for his little brother and didn't know how else to react.

"I would never do that to John. He believes in what he does and so do I."

"You are willing to raise your kid alone while John plays soldier out there?"

Teyla could not help being angered by Dave's words. This time however, she decided to voice her opinion, fed up with the attitude of the older Sheppard. She loved John unconditionally and she cared for his wellbeing in every aspect of his life. Dave certainly loved John too, but in his twisted kind of way he only saw it as a duty.

"John is a wonderful husband and he will be a wonderful father," she stated looking at Dave. "Many people look up to him and respect him for his work. He is willing to give so much. He is not playing soldier as you said and mostly I am with him out there. He is fighting for a better world. He is fighting for me, for our son and even if you are not willing to see it, for you. I know John loves us more than anything in this world and will do everything in his power to always come back."

Dave looked taken aback, but Teyla wasn't done yet.

"Without John, many people would have died over the last years. I would have died. What he does matters; I hope one day you will see the man John is and not the one you think he should be."

Dave blushed and Teyla felt good for voicing her opinion. The Sheppard men were stubborn, but smart too and at least John was able to learn from his mistakes. She hoped Dave was too.

Teyla settled down and after a while Dave started to talk to her again, asking questions about his brother, trying to understand the man he had become. Teyla was glad her little speech hadn't put a crack in the newly found truce.

The two were so immersed in their discussion they didn't realize Dr. Lam arrive. Dr. Lam cleared her throat to get Teyla's attention.

"No need to get up, Teyla," she told the pregnant woman.

"Is John alright?"

"Yes, he had a small tear in his spleen, we had to repair."

Teyla huffed relieved, unconsciously taking Dave's hand in hers, smiling at him.

"He will need to take it easy for a few days, but you two will be able to leave as planned."

"Can I see John?" she asked immediately.

"He is in recovery at the moment and only medical personnel are allowed there, but as soon as he wakes we will transfer him to Peterson, you can sit with him then."

"I cannot sit with him now?" she asked once more. Jennifer and Carson always let at least one of the team sit with the injured teammate. "I do not like the thought of John waking in an unknown environment, alone."

Dr. Lam sighed; she actually wanted Teyla to rest a bit too. "Okay, I'll see what I can do."

Teyla inclined her head, still not really happy. "Thank you."

Ten minutes later, Teyla and Dave sat on either side of John's bed waiting for him to wake.

Dr. Lam had arranged for Teyla to get a comfortable chair from the maternity ward that could be reclined. It would take a while before the Colonel would wake.

…

John groaned, not because he hurt, but because he had promised Teyla he was alright, but from the smell and sounds around him, he could tell he was in a hospital room.

He felt Teyla's warm hand in his and kept his eyes closed, waiting for the fog to clear a little more. When his chest started to hurt he peeled his sticky eyes open.

Relief flooded him when he found Teyla sleeping in a comfortable chair next to him.

"Sorry," he croaked quietly knowing he would have to apologize again later.

"I hope you are. You have quite a woman there."

John's head snapped around surprised at hearing his brother's whispered voice. Oh, right they had been talking and he had been in his house. Instead of the anger he would've expected, he just saw relief in his brother's face.

"Sorry," he said again, this time to his brother.

Dave shook his head. He looked at Teyla before he looked at John.

"Things happen. Listen, we don't have much time. The doc said to get her when you woke and also that they were shipping you back to Peterson as soon as you were awake."

John nodded his understanding.

"I talked to Teyla, or better said, she talked to me. I hope that you will be able to come back in the future so we can meet again and really get over this," he paused, taking another breath. "Teyla promised me to stay in contact."

"Okay," John said, wondering what Teyla had said to Dave.

"Take care little brother and make sure you keep your wife happy. I'm glad you found her."

"Me too," John mumbled sleepily, looking at Teyla. "Thanks Dave, we will keep in touch."

Dave nodded relieved. He still worried for John, even though his brother had been a stranger to him for many years. Talking with Teyla, Dave had started to understand that he and his father had been the greater part of the problem. John had found a family, one that accepted him the way he was. He hoped he too could learn that.

When he got up, Teyla startled awake.

"I'm getting the doc," Dave said to her, and her gaze snapped away to John.

His little brother had turned his face to his wife and was smiling groggily at her.

Dave paused at the door to watch the two interact. Teyla sat up and wriggled to the edge of her chair so she could bend over to John. Her hand travelled to his forehead, where she pushed his hair away, before moving on to his cheek.

She was whispering to him all the time. He could see the love flow between these two and knew of the influence the petite woman had on his little brother. He was stunned - she was the one person that could made John quit the military and come home and was the one that wasn't willing to do a damn thing about it.

She had told him that she hope he would learn to accept the man John was, because that was what she did, she loved Lt. Colonel John Sheppard, Air Force pilot and secret ops participant.

He opened the door and slipped out.

He was barely home when Teyla called to tell him that they would be moving back to their home base and that she would send a message from there, but that it may take a while. There would be a future for them and it didn't involve lawyers as Dave had anticipated.

He looked at the letter John had given him, written by an Air Force lawyer stating that John waived his rights. He slowly started to rip the letter apart. Not even Dave knew exactly what had transpired, between John and their father, but his father had been sorry and it had pained him to see his father hurt. He had cursed John for being selfish and not coming back sooner.

Now he started to understand that not only their father had suffered, but John too. The good thing was that even if their father was dead, he could still do something to repair their relationship.

…

Teyla sat next to John. The infirmary in the SGC was depressing with its grey walls; she would rather have him in the hospital close to Dave again. This way his brother could at least have visited and they could have spent more time together.

She looked at John, sleeping peacefully. He had woken earlier, confused and in pain. He had told her about a dream he had had and when Teyla had told him it hadn't been a dream a single tear had slipped down his cheek.

Teyla had quickly wiped it away, while once more whispering soothing words in John's ear. She was pretty sure Dave had started to understand and that they would hear more from each other in the future.

After another dose of pain meds he had quickly fallen asleep again.

Now she waited for them to be shipped back home, so Jennifer could take care of John.

Despite everything that had happened Teyla was glad they had come to Earth and not only because they finally had gotten married.

.

.

Last two chapters up February 27th. Promise!

.

So many views, tell me what you think, really makes me happy.


	9. Chapter 8 The Worth of a Life Together

Okay guys, here is the next part. This is partly AU again and my TAG to Search and Rescue. Hope you like it. Like promised the last Part is getting up later, too.

.

Have fun. Hope you enjoy.

Warning: Added Angst and whump.

.

Chapter Eight

.

The worth of a Life together

.

When his heart stopped for the second time, Jennifer Keller decided that it had been a mistake to give in to his plea, and even though he had rescued them, it hadn't been worth it. Ronon and Rodney surely would have been able to save John's wife and son.

A fact only she had known for long time.

Over the past months, Jennifer had become Teyla's best friend. The only person who knew the truth about the baby, the secret relationship and with that, the only person Teyla could talk to besides the Colonel.

Jennifer had seen the ever-growing love the two had for the other and Teyla had happily told her that she and John had married on Earth secretly. They wanted to be together for the rest of their lives.

So here she was, trying to save the live of her best friend's husband, a life hanging by a thread because she had made the wrong decision.

She couldn't count the times she had Colonel Sheppard in her care, but never before had she been this hopeless. It couldn't be over yet. There was too much life left to live for the two.

She was a Doctor; she had sworn to protect lives. But she had decided that her best friend's husband's life was not as important as the return of her best friend. She had wanted to make him happy and of course that happiness was tied to his wife and son.

So she had thrown all carefulness and rational thoughts out of the window and had, against her better judgment, patched him up and let him go.

Luckily she had been insistent on putting fluids into him first. He probably wouldn't have survived this long.

_It was worth it_, he had said.

She was fighting for that, making it worth the cost.

…

_Earlier….._

Jennifer smiled at John, who was totally immersed in his son. Teyla, on the gurney next to him, beamed happily at her two men.

Deep down, she knew she should be more worried, but she was too happy to have her friend back to acknowledge the feeling.

Her thoughts travelled back to the planet.

_The med team had beamed down to the planet to help get everyone back to Atlantis._

_Almost two years of secret relationship had been revealed when Lt. Colonel John Sheppard, Military CO of Atlantis, known for never showing emotions, had introduced his son. Too happy and proud to care what he said. _

"_See, Jennifer, it was worth it. I told you I'd get them back and I got them back, my wife…," he looked at Teyla with all the love he felt in his face and then down, "and meet our son, Torren John!" there was no mistaking he meant what he said._

_Not even Rodney's irritated, "Sheppard, you've lost too much blood, give the kid to Keller," could cover the truth. _

_Luckily only Atlantis personal had been present, and she and Ronon had quickly sworn all to secrecy._

Jennifer's attention shifted back to the scene before her.

The fact that he had voluntarily settled on a gurney should worry her too, but then John had climbed out of the dart and onto the gurney under his own steam. Not once letting go of his newborn son who was still snuggled against his chest.

John was joking, smiling and speaking to his son while Teyla watched them. Jennifer had chased everyone to the other side of the infirmary to give the couple five minutes of solitude to reconnect.

So she had stayed close to make sure they were fine. She had barely been able to keep her tears at bay when John had declared his love for Teyla and thanked her for their son.

She was surprised about Sheppard's sudden openness, but after the ordeal of the past days and being a new father she allowed him to be a little loopy, even more so as she knew from Teyla that he never held back with his feelings when they were alone.

"I think we should get Colonel Sheppard examined," Dr Cole said from her side startling her. She looked up quickly. Trying to decide why Cole thought that. He was ghostly pale, but then he had looked like that for the past days. Given the ordeal he had lived through it was to be expected.

Now looking closer at him, she realized that Cole was right. He seemed to have faded and grown tired, his eyes blinking ever so often. So she moved over with Cole in tow.

"Okay Teyla, let's get you checked out," Jennifer finally interrupted, she had already explained to them that they needed to check Teyla out and make sure nothing had been left in the uterus after giving birth. "Dr. Cole is going to take a look at you too, Colonel."

John looked up quickly, nodding, before looking at Teyla, smiling.

"I love you. Thank you," he mouthed before adding loudly. "We'll see you later."

…

It still took some time before Cole finally managed to pry the baby from the Colonel. She made sure though that the little boy always stayed in his father's view.

She delivered the boy safely to the nurse asking her to wash and examine the baby before getting him dressed. When she turned back she found Colonel Sheppard's head hanging, his eyes closed.

After her first tries to rouse him failed, she checked his pulse and breathing, before moving on to his wounds. What she found worried her - his pulse was thready and his breathing shallow, the stiches were torn out and blood was welling up, slowly trailing down his side. She looked around; his teammates were on the other side of the room, currently being examined and patched up too.

"Sargent Miller, could you help me for a moment?" she kept her voice calm, so she felt anything but, as she rubbed over Colonel Sheppards sternum once more, not getting any reaction.

She wondered how much blood he had lost already, she needed to take a look at his back.

When they lifted and turned Sheppard slightly, she was shocked to find the gurney under the Colonel soaked in blood.

"We need help," she yelled, past staying calm and remaining undetected.

From a corner of her eyes Cole saw Ronon and Rodney react, but she ignored them. Ordering machines, IV's and meds, all being attached to the Colonel while trying to save the man's life.

They started to work on John immediately, but barely managed to keep him alive, as his blood pressure plummeted and then stayed on the verge of non-existence. His heart stumbled over its own beat, frantically trying to keep up with the continually loss of blood.

They just didn't get the fluids in him fast enough. Cole was setting a third line when his heart finally gave up.

.

XOXOXOXOXO

.

"Why don't you rest a little, Teyla," Jennifer said, smiling at her friend. "I'm going to see if Dr Cole finally managed to get John to give up your son and let them have a look at him."

Teyla blinked at her friend sleepily. "Is John all right?"

"A lot has been going on lately. I'm going to be honest, but I don't want you to worry. He has been through the wringer, is dehydrated, needs fluids and a blood transfusion as well as surgery, but we will fix him in no time, so you three can start being a family."

Teyla's eyes widened at the list of problems.

"As soon as we are done with him, I will put you two in a separate room, so you can enjoy some privacy. I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about."

Teyla nodded; appeased for the moment she closed her eyes. She was tired from giving birth and being rescued. She startled when she felt a pinch as Jennifer insisted on an IV with fluids for her too.

"Can you bring my son?" She loved John and loved seeing him holding their son, but she too longed to hold their son.

"I will."

"Dr. Keller," Marie's urgent call drew her attention from Teyla. She looked at Marie, knowing immediately something was off; she looked back at Teyla, but her friend had dozed off.

She moved out of the room, catching the sound of blaring monitors announcing that someone was on the verge of dying.

"The Colonel?" she asked and without waiting for an answer took off.

.

XOXOXOXOXO

.

"Clear," Jennifer yelled once more shocking John's heart.

She wouldn't give up. She just couldn't. She counted the compressions Marie was beating against John's chest after a short pause of waiting to see if his heart continued to beat on its own.

She had five minutes left. Five minutes before medical statistic proclaimed the chances of survival of resurrection as none existing.

"Clear." Jennifer stopped breathing, counting the seconds before they would resume manual compressions.

One, two, three, four…

"We have a pulse," the announcement was accompanied by the beep of the heart monitor, first one then two, speeding up. "Blood pressure fifty over thirty five, breathing twelve."

It wasn't good enough. _Fight John!_

"BP Seventy eight over fifty five, getting stronger, pulse forty-five steady, breathing 23."

_That's it, John, fight!_

"Okay, we start, scalpel."

.

XOXOXOXOXO

.

Teyla surfaced from sleep to the soft cooing of her son. She felt warm and comfortable and knew immediately they were safe. John had come and brought them home. Though she had longed to hold her son, she had let John keep holding him. He had looked so happy.

Lindsey had finally brought Torren, freshly cleaned and in new clothes. John had ordered them she had told her. Always sure he would find them and get them back. Teyla was moved by how much he had believed in getting them back.

The nurse had settled Torren in a transparent basin next to her bed so Teyla could watch him sleep. She had fallen asleep too waiting for John to return to her.

When she had woken, John had still been in surgery. She had been too distracted with tending to Torren and when she was done nursing him, too tired to really ask for more information about him. She had fallen asleep again.

Now awake again she felt better rested and wanted nothing more than to see John. She sensed someone being in the room and in her belief it was John she kept her eyes closed to listen to him.

"Hey, Torren, I know your dad is not here right now, but it isn't his fault," she heard Ronon's deep voice telling her son. She kept her eyes closed, though surprised but curious to hear more.

"Your dad is a great man. He almost died to get you and your mom back and we lost him for a few days when he was in the future, but he came back and got you back. I know it's not looking too good right now, but your dad will survive and he will hold you again."

Teyla's eyes snapped open upon hearing to her friend's narration of what had transpired, "Ronon?"

"Hey, Teyla," he greeted, looking up worried.

"Where is John?"

"Keller's still fixing him," he cocked his head.

"What happened?" she asked, her gaze fixed on Ronon. From the look on his face she could tell that he wasn't sure what to say.

"Ronon," her voice held a warning.

"His wound reopened and he didn't tell anyone. He lost a lot of blood and with the other issues," he sighed. "It looks bad."

Teyla's eyes filled with tears.

"Don't worry, he is tough."

Teyla couldn't help chuckle. "I know," she said swallowing the rest of her tears. Her emotions close to the surface.

"How did you finally find us?" she asked looking at her son in Ronon's arms.

Her son wailed cutting off her answer. Teyla had to chuckle when the volume made Ronon startle.

"I believe he is hungry," Teyla stated getting into a sitting position. It wasn't as easy as she had thought, her stomach was sore. Lindsey was at her side in a matter of moments, getting her comfortable.

She placed a pillow on her lap and Ronon handed the baby over.

"I'm going to check on things," Ronon said, quickly leaving Teyla to feed her son.

Teyla chuckled again, opening her pajama top. John must have bought the pajama for her as she knew it was new and she hadn't ordered it. She placed her son at her breast. It took a moment for him to actually start suckling. Teyla watched her son amazed, trailing her fingertip over his cheek.

She was sure she wouldn't get her answer anytime soon. Ronon was not going to answer her question. She wondered if John would.

For the first time she studied her son closely. She noted with satisfaction that his nose and ears looked like John's, especially the ears amused her. He had dark curly hair, but it looked like he had inherited his father's cowlicks. His eyes had not their final color, but the form resembled John's too.

She was proud to say he looked a lot like his father. With the knowledge that John was seriously injured, she thought about the last time she had seen him, she realized how pale he had been and now that she thought about it she remembered the pain in his eyes. She had been too happy to see him then and just took in every aspect of him, not thinking about what she saw.

"Ah, that's the reason Ronon fled," Jennifer's voice pulled Teyla from her reminiscing.

She looked up to see her friend's tired face. Teyla stiffened when she couldn't find the humor she had heard, in her face.

Jennifer settled on Teyla's bed, her heart heavy. She wished she had better news.

Jennifer watched Teyla nurse her son for a few minutes glad to see the two bonding and studied the little boy.

"He looks like his father," she stated into the silence.

"He does." Jennifer heard the smile in Teyla's voice. There was another moment of silence and the two women watched the baby fall asleep.

Teyla settled her son on her lap and closed her top, before settling her son on her shoulder to burp him.

"You are a natural," Jennifer said astounded.

Teyla chuckled, her gaze on her son.

"I helped with newborns all of my childhood. It was a good preparation. Though I must admit it is still unsettling when it is your own child. The feelings are overwhelming."

She finally looked up at her friend noting the tears in her friend's eyes.

"How bad is it?" she asked worried.

Jennifer looked at her for a moment and then took a deep breath.

"Teyla, I …," Jennifer broke off how could she do this? She had missed her friend so much.

The baby burped. _Torren John, our son._

"I'm sorry Teyla; there is no easy way to say this." Teyla's face fell and her eyes started to tear up again.

"Ronon said it was bad," she stated.

"We had trouble stabilizing him. He had lost more blood than we had realized…"

"Please Jennifer; is he going to be alright?"

"He is very weak, but he is fighting. I can't promise you anything though."

"John will be alright," Teyla said looking at their son now resting in her arms, so much like his father. He had to be.

"He is a fighter," Jennifer agreed.

"When can I see him?"

"I want you to take another nap. When you wake I'll get you in a wheelchair and you two can visit."

"Thank you."

.

XOXOXOXOXO

.

John felt heavy, almost as if someone had buried him under sand. Though the weight was not crushing, he couldn't move either.

He was slightly confused and not sure how he had landed here. He tried to remember what had happened and where he was. His head was flooded with images, confusing him even more.

First he was in his quarters with Teyla, having dinner and then he was buried under a ton of debris. His midsection started to throb at that memory. With the pain more and more memories returned.

While some memories were fuzzy at best others were crystal clear. Like the day he and Teyla had finally agreed on a name for their son, but only after John had given in to Teyla and allowed her to use his first name as the second, or the day Carter had told him that Teyla had been abducted.

An alarm sounded next to his head, startling him. He managed to peel his eyes open long enough to see where he was. Relief flooded him as he realized he was actually in the Atlantis' infirmary. For a moment he had feared he was back in the remains of Michael's compound.

Even though he had just woken, he was ready to drop off again. He sensed someone hurrying to his side, but since he knew where he was he didn't care. He wanted to go back to sleep and when he woke again he wanted to see Teyla and their son.

He actually wanted to see them right now, but he probably had just regained consciousness from having surgery, so Keller probably wouldn't allow it. But the faster he got back to sleep, the faster he would be awake again and reunited with his family.

He felt a hand settle on his arm, but chose to ignore it. They could wait until he was awake enough to see his family.

John was sure he had actually managed to fall asleep, but suddenly he was awake again. A second hand had settled on his other arm; the touch so familiar that with every fiber of his being John knew it was Teyla.

He heard her voice calling him and his whole focus shifted just to her. He fought the tiredness he had readily accepted moments ago.

He fought hard, and after a few moments he won. He still needed a few tries, but finally his eyes stayed open and he found himself looking into the beautiful face of the woman he loved more than anything else in this world. Okay, that was not entirely true anymore as he loved his son just as much.

There were so many things he wanted to say to her, but when he opened his mouth, all that came out was a pained whimper. His midsection was on fire, and using any part of his body intensified that feeling.

"I'll give him something for the pain," John heard a distant voice. He became aware that his eyes had closed again, and that his hand clamped at the sheets under him. For a moment only pain existed in his world.

Teyla's soft grasp on his left hand shifted his focus back to her and he tried to push the pain away by concentrating on her hands, one hand clasping his, the other on his forehead, her soothing voice in his ear. He didn't realize when the pain meds kicked in, pulling him under again.

…

Teyla looked at Jennifer with worry. John had been so weak and in so much pain.

"It was to be expected. We will increase the dosage of his meds, but most importantly he finally woke up," Jennifer answered her unasked question.

"Why don't you go back to your son and rest a little?"

"I will wait some more."

"He is not going to wake anytime soon."

Teyla seemed to reconsider, but then agreed.

Jennifer understood her hesitation. It had been the first time John had woken since his surgery two day before. They all had been worried, but he had stayed stable since the surgery.

He would get better.

.

XOXOXOXOXO

.

John enjoyed the soft weight of his son on his chest. It was the first time Keller had allowed him to hold his son since the day he had been born, five days ago.

So here he was, laying on his back, his son sleeping on his bare chest. Keller didn't want John to put any strain on his mangled abdomen; if he wanted to hold his son it was this way or not at all. His IV free hand rested on his son's back.

Over the past day, his team and Keller had told him about their dramatic return. Though Rodney was still a little miffed about the whole relationship thing, he had come by several times. Ronon, on the other hand, had taken things in stride and congratulated John on his hiding skills.

John was still embarrassed that he had just blurted the truth out like that, but everyone had assured him that no one knew besides the ones that had been present.

His son shifted his head and John released a sigh of contentment. He felt guilty for having missed the first two days of his son's life almost entirely and only being half aware of the others, at least now he was more aware. Though he had to admit he felt extremely tired already again.

Keller had said it would take a while for his body to cope with the blood loss. She also was pretty pissed at him for not telling he was almost bleeding to death, but John had to admit that he had no recollection of anything but his son and Teyla.

He sighed once more, looking at his son. The little boy had managed to find his hand and was contently suckling on his little fingers that were curled into a fist, drooling on John's chest in the process, but John didn't mind.

His eyelids grew heavy, but John fought them, not willing to let go of his son just yet. He would also have to wake Teyla who slept in the chair next to him. John was glad she was catching up on some sleep, since at the moment he clearly was no help, something else to feel guilty about.

John needed to distract himself to keep awake, so he started to tell TJ, his new nickname for his son as Torren was just too long, what plans he had as soon as he was released to his quarters.

The fact that he and Teyla still had to outwardly live two different lives irked him to no end. He wondered who would follow Carter and hoped it wouldn't be Woolsey like Rodney's hologram had told him.

John looked at his son's head moving on his chest again.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, feeling a little lightheaded. Staying awake was becoming hard work and the heart monitor had already detected the faster growing heartbeat as John kept taxing his body to stay awake.

"It is alright, John. You can hold him again later, please sleep," he heard Teyla's soothing voice and felt her loosening his hold on the baby; for a moment he fought her, confused. When had he closed his eyes?

He wanted to tell her he was fine, but he suddenly felt dizzy and then the traitorous monitor set off an alarm. Before John knew what was going on, he was pushed into darkness. The last thing he heard was Teyla's panicked voice calling for help.

.

XOXOXOXOXO

.

"Relax, Teyla, we are here," Jennifer soothed her friend. The baby was clutched to her chest, crying. Jennifer moved over to John, checking the readouts. She opened the IV and Teyla could see the drip speed up.

"What's going on?"

"Sit down, Teyla," her friend commanded.

While Jennifer fussed around John, Teyla soothed her son, it didn't take long though as the boy had just been startled by the loud noises.

When Jennifer turned to her, Teyla asked again what had happened.

"My best guess is that he overdid it, trying to stay awake. I got here a few minutes ago and noticed him fighting to stay awake," she explained. "I wanted to give him five more minutes, but it looks like his body had other ideas. His blood pressure dropped. I just increased the flow of the IV to get his volume up."

"You will not allow him to hold Torren again?" Teyla asked worried.

"His vital signs actually got better while holding Torren, so I will allow it again."

"Thank you," Teyla said relieved, looking at her son. John had been so happy to have his son close. She knew he felt guilty for not being able to do more.

.

XOXOXOXOXO

.

A whole day passed before John woke again; he felt a lot better and much more awake and was glad to be allowed to hold his son again, though this time Teyla made sure she did not fall asleep.

"Sleep, John," she told him when he showed signs of being tired. She waited until he was deep under before taking Torren from his chest. She had asked Jennifer to move Torren's basin into the room as well, and so she settled her son next to his father.

"Hey, is everything alright in here?"

"Yes," Teyla answered, smiling at Jennifer.

"I have good news. It's time to move."

"Oh," Teyla tried to smile, but she didn't feel like sleeping in her quarters. Even sleeping in the room next to John's was not enough. She often stood up when Torren woke and checked on John too. It would be impossible to do that when she was home.

There was noise behind Jennifer and a second bed was wheeled into the room.

Teyla was confused. "You are not releasing me?"

"Oh, I am, but I thought you would prefer staying here with John," she said smiling. "He is getting better. He won't need to be monitored that closely anymore and my chances to keep him here are bigger when you are here too. He is still in no condition to move around or attempt to escape."

"My attempts are usually successful," John's sleep muffled voice came from the bed.

"Careful, Colonel," Jennifer said amused. "Or I'm tempted to put you in restraints."

John smirked, though his eyes were still closed. After a few moments his face relaxed and both women knew he had gone back to sleep.

…

For the next few days, John was just happy, he was allowed to actually hold his son, Teyla was sleeping in the bed next to his and his friends came to visit often.

However, the better he got, the more he grew impatient with his own recovery. He wanted to get home and sleep with Teyla next to him and not in the next bed. He wanted to really care for his son.

So, when Keller finally released him after ten days in the infirmary he couldn't believe how lucky he was.

.

XOXOXOXOXO

.

John sat on the bed, Teyla resting against his chest while nursing their son. His hands rested on her once again flat stomach.

Their secret was not that secret anymore and their friends had forgiven them for not telling them sooner. In a couple of weeks, the new commander would arrive and John wondered what to do.

For the first time ever, he had really thought about resigning and move back to Earth with his family, but deep down he knew he couldn't. He and Teyla had talked long about it and had agreed to try and resume their semisecret life here.

However, John also had decided he would care for his son and not only in the privacy of his quarters. He didn't care about rumors or what people thought. He would not allow his son to pay the price for his parent's decisions.

He thought about tomorrow. He had his final exam and hoped after three weeks Jennifer would allow him to resume his duties. At least light duties. John had to admit that he wasn't so keen on going off world anytime soon.

Rodney was happy in his lab and Ronon could join Lorne's team for the time being.

.

XOXOXOXOXO

.

Jennifer watched the little family go. John had recovered from his ordeal and she had cleared him for light duty for the time being. To her surprise he hadn't complained once. She also had checked Teyla and Torren again.

Everyone was doing well.

Teyla and Torren were healthy and didn't seem to be suffering any repercussions of their time being in Michael's grasp. John had come through his whole ordeal still a little weak, but getting better.

Seeing them happy together made her once more reevaluate her decision. She still thought it had been a mistake to let John go, but in the end it had been worth it, just barely though.

.

.

.

Would like to hear what you think.


	10. Epilog The biggest Secret of them All

Oh, god I can't believe I'm done once more. I feel both sad and relieved. I though enjoy writing and exploring this aspect of SGA and of course I love writing for you guys and am grateful for all the nice reviews.

Of course I would once more like to know what you think.

.

Epilogue

.

The biggest secret of them all

.

John stood fidgeting with the ribbon of his Medal of Honor. He still couldn't believe they had awarded him with that or that he had gotten promoted. His eyes searched the room for Teyla and Torren, but he couldn't find them. After a moment he was drawn back into the discussion, O'Neill, Landry and a General John had never met before and hopefully never would again, were having.

He grabbed a glass of champagne when a waiter passed their group. He was just about to take a sip, so he could evade a question the strange General had thrown his direction when the President joined their group.

He had already thanked John exuberantly for saving Earth, hell he had gotten promoted and awarded for that. So John hoped it had nothing to do him, but then the next words out of the President's mouth had John almost choking on his drink.

"Colonel, I was hoping to meet that wonderful wife of yours and of course your son Torren. Jack promised they would be here tonight as well."

John's gaze snapped to O'Neill and Landry panicked; both Generals were deliberately avoiding looking at him. And John realized with a snap they knew, they both knew.

John had no clue what to say or how to react.

"She and Colonel Carter are currently upstairs changing Sheppard's son into his pajamas. They should be back any moment."

John's gaze zeroed in on O'Neill who still avoided looking at him. Who else knew besides them and of course the President?

Ever since Woolsey had come to Teyla's quarters looking for him, telling them that he knew about their relationship and wanted them to look for shared quarters, he had wondered who else knew.

Luckily the ladies returned, with Torren and Woolsey in tow, before John could say something he might regret. Teyla was as surprised as John, while Carter obviously was in on their secret too. The President asked them a bunch of questions, showing an incredible insight into John and Teyla's private life. When he asked about future kids both blushed, but didn't answer.

After a while the President and unknown General left.

"You all knew?" John couldn't stop the question before tumbled from his mouth.

.

XOXOXOXOXO

.

_About a year ago… at the SGC_

_._

"_Hank," O'Neill greeted, stepping further inside the other General's office._

"_Jack," he greeted back._

"_What can I do for you?"_

"_I wanted to know if you can tell me about this," he held a piece of paper at O'Neill._

_Jack took the paper and looked at it. He tried to swallow a bark of laughter, but couldn't._

"_Where did this come from?" he asked, clearly barely able to hide his amusement._

"_It was mailed," Landry stated, one eyebrow raised._

"_You opened Sheppard's mail?" O'Neill blurted, surprised._

"_Since it was mailed to Lt. Colonel and Mrs. John Sheppard, Walter thought it was wrongly shipped and gave it to me to decide."_

"_So you opened it."_

"_Damn straight I did; I needed the dates to figure out who really was meant."_

"_So, what do you want me to do?"_

"_I want you to talk to Woolsey so that I can talk to Miss Emmagen after Coolidge is done with her."_

_O'Neill put the marriage certificate down, without giving it back._

"_She is an Alien, Hank, don't forget that."_

"_She is a member of the military contingent, alien or not."_

"_Vala and Daniel are a couple too, and on the same team."_

"_He is her CO!" Landry stated, "It's against the rules."_

"_We need him out there."_

"_Don't you think I know that? We have to make sure that doesn't blow up on us, before we can straighten things out."_

_O'Neill chuckled._

"_You seem awfully undisturbed by this."_

"_I knew you liked Sheppard." O'Neill's answer was a glare._

"_There is no need to cover anything. Teyla is an employee of the IOA and on Sheppard's team as a civil member."_

"_You knew about this?"_

_O'Neill shrugged and grinned._

"_Sheppard was smart enough to inform Dr. Weir prior to starting anything with Teyla, and she got me and Woolsey on board. Everything checks out and there are no rules that would allow for Sheppard to fear repercussions. I even got it signed off by the President."_

_Landry gawked at O'Neill._

"_How else do you think I got Teyla's papers that fast last month?"_

"_Why haven't I heard about this before, if it's official?"_

"_Oh, it's not. I'm still curious how Sheppard managed to keep his relationship hidden this long. I can't belief he had the guts to actually marry her." He picked up the marriage certificate again shaking his head and chuckling._

"_It probably wouldn't have come out," Landry admitted, fishing for another sheet, "except for this." _

_The letter stated that the marriage license number had been copied wrongly and that therefore a new certificate with the right number had been issued and sent to the couple._

_O'Neill chuckled again._

"_Good, that means I can send this to Sheppard and tell him to stop hiding."_

_O'Neill pulled the certificate to his chest._

"_Why the hell has no one told the man that his relationship is within regulations anyway? He has a kid on the way."_

"_Carter will inform him as soon as the kid is born, until then we'll enjoy the side effects."_

"_Ah, what?"_

"_Hank, when was the last time Sheppard gave you a headache for ignoring rules or orders?"_

_Landry's face went slack in surprise. After a few moments he started to smile._

_._

XOXOXOXOXO

.

While Landry and O'Neill told their story, Ronon, Rodney, Amelia, and Jennifer as well as SG-1 and Carson Beckett joined the group.

"So, yes, Colonel, we all knew," O'Neill stated amused. "By the way, let me congratulate you. I hope you two invite me to the official party. I mean, now that you are on Earth, it's time you two make it official."

Landry and Carter joined in on congratulating the couple as well as everyone else. Teyla and John were still pretty much speechless about the whole thing.

That night, John not only got promoted and awarded; he also got to live his life with his family openly, which was so much more important.

It was close to midnight when Teyla and John decided to head to their room.

"Colonel, I hope I get an invitation to that big party soon," O'Neill reminded them as they said their good night.

"Don't worry, General, you're on top of the list, but first things first," John answered, his eyes mischievous.

"And what would that be?"

"You see, now that all of our secrets are out, I'm planning to take my wife and son on a nice, long vacation. And while we're there I'm planning on getting started on that second kid the President asked about."

For a moment there was stunned silence, but then everyone started to laugh while watching the happy family walk into their new and not so secret life.

.

The End!


End file.
